Kids: Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how...

By Anonymous - 03/12/2013 00:56 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 703

You deserved it 6 183

Kids

Walk the line

You tried

Smoking kills

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 3 561

By runfattyrun - 25/12/2016 07:19 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 356

You deserved it 1 189

By Cuzles - 23/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 554

You deserved it 36 124

By Ashleigh - 22/04/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 662

You deserved it 3 472

By mrniceguy - 23/02/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 048

You deserved it 2 451

Final Destination

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 792

You deserved it 3 584

By me - 21/03/2013 10:25 - United Kingdom - Chichester

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 835

You deserved it 6 601

By vanorav - 18/03/2012 02:41 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 2 236

By firefighter - 08/09/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 45 253

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 3 412

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 113

You deserved it 1 347

By lil_munchkinjen - 09/02/2009 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 396

You deserved it 5 898

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 003

You deserved it 5 231

By PookaKay02 - 20/09/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 8 592

By MB - 28/11/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 769

You deserved it 33 964

By Ouijake - 04/01/2017 00:15

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 479

You deserved it 3 470

They targeted gamers!

By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 323

Send help!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 361

By Kan23 - 26/01/2016 03:37 - United States - Altus

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 961

You deserved it 1 449

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 077

You deserved it 13 495

By thathurt - 29/03/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 037

You deserved it 29 997

Check this

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 243

You deserved it 957

By Morgan - 22/06/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 620

You deserved it 29 668

By hoho5191 - 20/07/2009 16:50 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 023

You deserved it 69 201

By Mary - 30/07/2017 05:00

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 629

You deserved it 567

By -.- - 13/04/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 205

You deserved it 5 192

By Maggie123 - 14/09/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 226

You deserved it 27 855

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 4 035

By the poor man - 05/09/2015 17:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 117

You deserved it 10 154

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 771

You deserved it 5 176

By Andy - 27/02/2019 02:00

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 367

Love Hurts

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 03:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 233

By ollie179 - 15/08/2011 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 340

You deserved it 39 340

By Jill - 15/06/2013 04:19 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 270

You deserved it 22 674

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 075

You deserved it 34 212

Windows 2019

By James - 06/09/2019 02:04

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 104

Where is she now?

By RensM - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was sat next to a woman who talked through the film and said, "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 775

You deserved it 3 167

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 8 595

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Top comments

heroforhirex95 17

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 8:18

Someone pissed in his Cheerios

Sebastian2022 22

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 8:19

Don't worry OP, he really appreciates it, but maybe he's too shy to actually share his actual emotions? Good thought, though. :)

the_real_dvd 21

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 8:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Somuchart 3

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 8:20

Joking? If he's been a good example in the past, then one thing shouldn't change your mind.

iYoloSwag 9

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 9:16

I got so much swag yolo ;)

Cory123125 3

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Soloman212 28

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 13:11

You refuted his one example, but his point still stands. Fine, what if you found out that he's a current member of the KKK? (As far as it being a turn off, though; I don't think you should be turned on by your father in law in the first place...)

iknowiwantyou 13

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 14:26

I wouldn't take that comment personally, he probably just said that because he didn't want to get emotional and feel awkward or he was probably just joking.