Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
Hogs gone wild
Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML
Freakout
Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML
Oh lawd, he comin'
Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML
Sketchy
Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendant. He had my car towed. FML
Easy mistake
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML
Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML
Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML
Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML
Top comments
ASUdec 0
Can't tell a knife from a pen.
C_Wicked27 0
And let me guess, you guys were about to floor it to your gated community after all that, weren't you? I know that according to the news, the amount of people randomly murdering other people has dramatically risen in recent years, but that isn't true. In fact, violent crime has dropped pretty substantially across the country in most cases. On the other hand though, media coverage of violent crime in recent years has skyrocketed. Basically, what I'm trying to say is.... STOP BEING SO ******* PARANOID.
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Comments (96)
razzumfrazzum 0
Also you should learn the meaning of words in the English language. Thats what dictionaries are for.....wait I'll allow you to see your stupidity in not knowing your own language (Assuming you're a native of a predominantly English speaking country). It indeed would be considered a joke by definition. joke (jk) n. 1. Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. 2. A mischievous trick; a prank. 3. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation. 4. Informal a. Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: The accident was no joke. b. An object of amusement or laughter; a laughingstock: His loud tie was the joke of the office. v. joked, jok·ing, jokes v.intr. 1. To tell or play jokes; jest. 2. To speak in fun; be facetious. v.tr. To make fun of; tease.
cypresstreee 0
Hahaha. Paranoid much?
ehroo 1
let me guess... you're from the suburbs, aren't you.
notsocrafty 0
My mother does the same kinds of hallucinating.
RazorbladeSmiles 0
Why does your entire family freak out so hard?
razzumfrazzum 0
LOL organisedchaos I see you chose to keep digging that hole, despite the fact that the actual definition of a joke was posted for you to see just how dumb you are. People like you amuse me to no end, never wanting to admit they're so blatantly wrong even though there's a mountain of evidence right in their face. I actually am at a university with an Applied Physics/Aerospace Engineering major and I'm willing to bet my logical skills go far beyond your pathetic attempts to save face by posting websites that'll benefit you more than me. Here's why your logic is flawed: 1) Something that is meant to be a 'joke' is 'not' always funny. That also holds true. 2) Your analogy that you used to set that up is sound but invalid. Someone falling down the stairs by accident is 'not' the same thing as someone deliberately falling down stairs to be comical. Argument structure, If p, then q, therefore p. If q can be disproved the argument is invalid. 3) I never said you thought it was a joke. I said you 'failed to distinguish between a joke and a racial slur'. How you pull "I said you thought it was a joke" out of that is beyond me. Nowhere in that is my claiming you believing it to be a joke. Who's failing at comprehension again? I forget :-/ When you get that hole down to 10 feet let me know what you find.
razzumfrazzum 0
organisedchaos your backtracking is hilarious. I called you an ignorant dumbass for actually believing it was funny when its not, but I guess an ignorant person such as yourself would find it funny. You tried to put words in my mouth by stating I said you thought it was a joke, then I corrected you and defended what I said by defining what a joke is so that you'll know what is and isn't a joke. The comment made was indeed a joke, but also a racial slur thus, it wasn't funny. Further backing up my claim that you're just an ignorant dumbass. The point of your analogy was mute because unlike you I actually can comprehend things and realized that you just found it funny because you simply thought it was funny. Hence why I called you an ignorant dumbass in the first place. The shear fact that you're asking what my point is only further proves that you're an ignorant dumbass; considering that indeed is my point and it was blatantly obvious from my first post. If you haven't figured it out by now there's no hope for you. You're more than welcome to keep digging that hole though sir. You'll get there. I really don't care if you do give a shit, never did. I don't expect much from dumb people. I just find amusement in them. I just wanted to point out the fact that you're an ignorant dumbass and you took the bait and started a pointless argument over the internet. You could've left it at that and not say anything back, but you didn't. Your frustration became my amusement. Had you managed to disprove my point I would've got to laugh at your frustration in the process. Since you failed at disproving my point I got to laugh at your frustration and point out the fact that you were outsmarted by someone that you obviously feel to be inferior to you. I win either way bub. I do this for ***** and giggles cuz I get bored easily. What did you learn?...........dumbass.
razzumfrazzum 0
Now its confirmed that you're an ignorant dumbass. Taking racial slurs for humor is the epitome of ignorance.......Thanks for playing. Pull the "You've got no life" card all you wish; its a very ironic statement to say over the internet. Fact of the matter is everybody gets bored and choose to remedy it in different ways. This time I chose the internet. FYI 'stupider' is NOT a word, maybe you were looking for 'dumber'. Smart people would know these things.
fuckedup666 0
PARANOID!!!!
vamp17_fml 0
u blond or somethin?!