Animals: Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on...

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 289

You deserved it 4 711

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Same thing different taste

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 723

You deserved it 4 236

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 736

You deserved it 8 408

Adding insult to injury

By Fly my pretty, FLY! - 25/09/2023 02:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 13:17 - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 760

You deserved it 10 999

Bad boy

By nipped - 16/09/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 988

You deserved it 88 445

STOP! BAD DOG!

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 441

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 271

You deserved it 9 701

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 9 321

Roommate From Hell

By bigbuldge - 17/09/2019 00:01

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 158

zingline89 18

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:10

There's a shorter wait time at the vet.

Luqdude 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:07

Finger Lickin' Good...

Comments

pippa08 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:27

hahaha! Im sure you made the nurses day :p certainly made mine!

Levvy 22

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:27

What additional context does the phrase "fancy dress" provide to "costume"? Genuine question.

alival 12

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:31

I think this is the first time I've her "chicken costume" and "fancy dress" in the same sentence

JD18 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 22:33

When does he ever say "fancy dress?"

JD18 0

Sunday 12 February 2012 0:32

When does it ever say "fancy dress"?

lionandthelamb61 9

Sunday 12 February 2012 1:00

JD18, it did say that, but the FML was edited, I'm guessing to absolve any confusion.

causticgirl 6

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:40

And you said "what the cluck? You stupid dog, it's me!"

himoonkey 8

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:43

I guess your dog likes to eat ****

MaceFaceLOL 8

Saturday 11 February 2012 19:30

I love your picture.

monkeywrench1 10

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:45

You can't chicken out; you always have to show your dog who's in charge. :) Sorry OP! :(

iloveweed69 7

Saturday 11 February 2012 16:49

LOLOL that's a funny thought to think about

soccerdude79 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 17:03

Was the dog black?

crauen 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 17:04

alright! party!

crazyblackchick 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 17:15

Be on the lookout for Peter Griffin. I think he has beef with you, chicken.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Fight Kids Love Relatable Students Work Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Relationship advice Cheating Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 7 123

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 133

The Top

Today, and ever since the start of the Covid pandemic, my friends have progressively stopped talking to me. They've stated at the time that they are too tired, their significant other won't let them, or they're simply sick of me. I still want to hang out as usual, but I don't have who to hang out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 167

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 811

You deserved it 8 196

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 265

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 571

You deserved it 3 901

Today, as every morning since I started working from home, my mother interrupts me with her complaints about family members and old history. I'm not qualified to be a family therapist, and I need this job to pay my bills. She doesn't take the hint with my headphones on, but heaven help me if I interrupt her TV show later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 125

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 734