Miscellaneous: Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune... - FML

By noonotme - 05/09/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 6 638

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

Stop talking!

By Titatoum - 17/01/2015 21:12 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 849

You deserved it 5 756

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 244

You deserved it 43 600

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 20:47 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 956

You deserved it 32 132

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Spicy

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 141

By jackass - 13/04/2009 10:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 832

You deserved it 82 519

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 846

You deserved it 33 654

By ko - 03/01/2015 17:53

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 039

You deserved it 9 653

Differences

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 15:28 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 3 305

By Anonycunt - 27/07/2013 16:30 - Germany - Bonn

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 229

You deserved it 3 984

By crazytown - 10/04/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 298

You deserved it 4 667

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 050

You deserved it 3 758

By MaydayManic - 10/08/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 982

You deserved it 5 032

By justwow - 21/03/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Spicy

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 812

You deserved it 7 357

By Potty-Pot - 23/01/2017 10:00

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 074

You deserved it 635

By anonymous - 19/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 472

You deserved it 421

By vey - 08/02/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 698

You deserved it 5 229

By hobbled - 17/06/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 1 993

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 601

You deserved it 45 392

By The Corner Of Death - 12/08/2013 08:17 - United States - Spring

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 52

By Sleepdeprived - 11/06/2014 02:07 - United States - Falmouth

Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 974

You deserved it 9 739

By josie345 - 25/08/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 125

You deserved it 27 234

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 20:07 - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 3 834

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 07:11 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 253

You deserved it 6 836

Words is hard

By kate - 26/10/2021 02:00

Today, my seven year-old daughter called me a weirdo. When I yelled and grounded her, she cried and said she thought “weirdo” was a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 1 455

Disney 2021

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 14:01

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 128

By Idiots - 05/09/2009 20:54 - Canada

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 510

You deserved it 47 059

Romance is dead

By xlees - 18/08/2021 10:01 - New Zealand

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 81

By anonymous1 - 14/06/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 586

You deserved it 10 956

By Scorned - 16/09/2018 06:00

Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 762

You deserved it 323

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:08 - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 122

You deserved it 3 858

By frankie - 19/01/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 836

You deserved it 3 490

Stacy's mom…

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 4 960

By Username - 12/05/2011 06:17

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 3 029

By crop circle galore - 06/09/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 648

You deserved it 3 199

You should know!

By TheSentinel05 - 08/07/2020 05:00

Today, my mom screamed at me for not cleaning out the coffee machine. When I told her that wasn’t part of my chores and she never asked me to do it, she screamed at me for not doing it out of the kindness of my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 360

By exposed - 15/03/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 679

You deserved it 35 569

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 298

You deserved it 2 630

By Friendly - 01/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 785

You deserved it 2 573

By scared to leave the house - 20/08/2012 09:14 - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 038

You deserved it 2 404

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:51

HEY... YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. Go apply for a Disney channel show.. ;) You'd fit right in...

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:38

"Bloody aweful."

Comments

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:38

"Bloody aweful."

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:39

This is a fml why? lol

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:41

suggest you stop singing then, it's obviously not good.

lionandthelamb61 9

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:45

exactly #5, almost everybody is good at something and no one is good at everything, shut up and stick to what you're good at, whatever that may be. YDI for being so self absorbed that you didn't already know you sucked at singing enough to NOT SING

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:47

sound like my family. but I don't care, I sing louder when they tell me to shut the he'll up.

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:47

I don't think I'm good at anything ^^ at all! Although I can sing in tune quite well. It actually makes me sad to think people can't do that. in a 'feel bad for them' kind of way. so FYL methinks.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:00

Then continue singing. If he asked you to stop singing out of tune on purpose, and you aren't, then keep singing.

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:05

Tell your dad that your mom told you that he's bad in bed and that she fakes her orgasms.

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:06

boo. hoo. suck. it. up.

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:12

well take the hint

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:17

17- if I was your brother I'd put a sock in your mouth, brat. =p

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:22

56, I was only kiding. I actually get very hurt when they tell me to be quiet. then I go to an empty room and sing my heart out. =)

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:23

58* my bad

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:25

lol ok kool

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:29

Why are you guys replying to my post with unrelated bull?

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:32

because you're probably new

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:36

#74, because you was the first post, so if they reply to yours, it makes their post come before everyone else :) I prefer making my own comment, so people can reply and converse as they wish :)

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:38

Oh, I didn't know a first comment was such a big deal...

thaprince1226 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:38

u cant sing boo fucking whoo

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:46

83- so I was right!

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:51

With the app update it's almost easier just to post your own comment and people may actually see it!

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:52

Sean, you're right!

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:01

And with the lack of a site update, I have to scroll past you annoying douches to get to real comments. I have to contribute to the problem to state my point. I hope you're happy.

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:02

yo I just made an account!!

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:07

lol @ freeze. so cold yet admirable

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:07

#101, you know this site sucks when the iPod App is BETTER than it xD

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:25

haha fhl fir having to listen to ur bad singing

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:33

first comments pic is mad scary

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:44

canadian's are stupid.

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:58

123- My picture?

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:08

Get auto-tune! You know how rappers do it haha

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:08

yes your picture is scary. where did you get it and who is that?

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:21

146- Not the good ones.

macncheese007 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:32

that sucks! but if you sound that bad maybe you should keep quiet ;)

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:42

ha aww poor you well don't see you posting fmls must not be that bad lol

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:51

147- Uh that is me. I have tons of crazy pictures like that because that's my picture face when Im stoned,so...

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:19

I actually like it pic.. it gives people that sexy feeling lol. but can I ask who took the picture?

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:19

dont tell him

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:40

learn how to sing loser it's not that hard

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:43

175-My boyfriend probably because he is constantly taking photographs of me and uploading them to my ordinateur (computer).

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:44

hey everybody. if you didn't notice. the op's dad said the op's real voice is annoying and he thought the op was singing. but the op was atcually just talking.

theCrispyOstrich 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 6:20

this isn't an fml

LightningLadyy 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 6:34

I hate when people think they sing reeaaallllyyy well and they actually suck... or when someone sings wrong lyrics and thinks it's right.

Eyou 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 8:10

why donty replies show?

Eyou 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 8:12

canadians arent stupid, 130 is stupid :)

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Monday 6 September 2010 8:39

boo hoo retard, lots of people cant sing

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:35

#16, what does your comment have to do with what I said? I'm guessing your comment is meant for someone else.

that_guy_ollie 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:29

erm how is ure picture a fail the fluffy brown dog is clearly reciving oral sex ..>.< xD

that_guy_ollie 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:34

and then u have some hench disscussion trying to convince them but they still think their lyrics are right untill u show them , and after all of that they think their lyrics are better grrr.

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Monday 6 September 2010 12:00

lindsay lohan in the making!

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:38

maybe you should stop shitting in the oven as well.

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:12

Comment Moderated

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:51

lots if comment moderated. and op, just a tip, stop singing if you're that bad....

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:06

quiet rude

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:38

You probably sing better then me.

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:44

Yes.... you never know though :/

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:39

just stop singing if ur that bad

articunoftw97 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 8:41

you must be one bad singer.

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:39

suck it.

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:53

That's what she said.

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:40

lmao no vocals

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:40

that sucks

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:41

I get that a lot.

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:51

Me too. :(

zamxD 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:18

haha same here

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:43

ur hot

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:54

wow that would suck soooo much!

ILovesMahBridge 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:26

Ur is a place in Iraq. So yes, Ur hot, Ur very hot.

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Monday 6 September 2010 5:37

I have never been to ur!!

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:42

im sure he was just kidding, but if not, stop singing

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Monday 6 September 2010 3:30

I like ur picture haha

Senseless_487 29

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Monday 6 September 2010 6:31

Hahaha, Drawn Together FTW!

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:43

hmm I would think your dad might know you well enough by now to recognize your real singing voice? haha well...sorry op. oh well!

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Monday 6 September 2010 1:49

I'm in my colleges choir and enjoy singing alot, but I'm pretty sure my family have never heard me sing:P at least not anything except humming little tunes

The_ghetto_mango 25

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Friday 8 January 2016 2:55

"alot" is actually "a lot"

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 137

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 88