By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 14:12 - United States - Phoenix
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Lol I know what you mean I grew up being spanked too and I also turned out fine. I think this generation thinks that spanking is always taking the belt out or something. There's a difference between spanking and child abuse, but this generation put those two words together for some reason.
I'm in the new generation and I got spanked all the time for pointless things and grounded 24/7. I can honestly say that it doesn't teach a thing. It teaches the child that it's okay to hit people and that they don't know what proper discipline is because they haven't had it. I turned out fine but I've been shy and scared all of my life and I had no friends just in case they hit me. Do you really want that for your kids? All the people saying that the discipline has changed is obviously right but you can't rule out EVERYBODY just because the stereotypes say that everybody is bad and out to kill each other which isn't everybody...just a part of it.
It's not necessarily all about the pain, it's also about the embarrassment. Also nobody gets scared when you tell them "I'm going to give you a reeeeal good talking to" versus "Do you want me to make your other eye black? Or should I hit you from the left and straighten your nose!
58 - it's not about scaring them out of doing bad things. it's about making them understand WHY it's wrong. spanking them doesnt do that. all it shows them is "I'm stronger and can hit you, therefore I'm right." I was never spanked, yelled at or grounded and I've never fought anyone or stolen anything because I was taught that all our actions have consequences for others, rather than "don't do it because I say so *smack*"
Physical discipline was never supposed to be the first resort. It's a consequence. You teach them right from wrong and warn them not to break the rules first. If they choose to break them after that, a sharp swat will remind them of the rules. Whether she should be spanked depends on her age and if she's done something like this before.
57, your parents did it without love, that's why it turned out like that. I never ever doubted that they loved me when they spanked me. Why? Because I knew it wasn't physical abuse, even when I was one and two (yes I remember before I was born but that is not the point). My mum always cried when she had to, or foisted it on my dad ("you wait till your father gets home!"). Yeah I cried like hell, but even then I knew. Yes you do get parents who do it wrong. But for those of us who had parents who got it right, we can acclaim it even though we got heaps ourselves. And I got heaps, I'm a twin, we used to really be "double trouble".
I personally find zero point in spanking. As others of pointed out, I believe that it doesn't teach the child what he/she is doing is wrong. Instead it teaches them that it's okay to hit people. For example, one day I was walking along and I saw two kids fighting over a hose and one of them starts spanking the other kid hard. Instead of spanking them, you could tell them why it's wrong, don't turn to physical discipline.
I guess what it boils down to is how the child receiving the spank perceives it. I was spanked as a child, and I definitely benefited from it, because I know my mom did it for my own good. I may not have liked it at the time, but I'm grateful for it now. Unless your parents slapped you around for small things, it's selfish to think that they did it because they hate you.
Hold on. I think you people are gravely mistaken in what I meant with my first comment; let me set a few things straight: I am a fervent advocate of physical discipline. I grew up on it and I believe it is essential to parenting. HOWEVER, it seems that most of you think what I'm saying is "oh nooo, never beat your kids that's terrible". No, not at all. Beating is an integral part of parenting, yes, but so is communication. My response to #1 means that you cannot just beat your child as an answer to every single mistake they make. The child in this post probably isn't even old enough to know what a paycheck is, simply beating her isn't going to teach her anything. In this case, explaining to her why feeding paper to a Venus Flytrap is a bad idea, and why doing it with her parent's paycheck is even worse would serve as a much better preventative measure. Please learn to read, all of you.
Talking to isn't the last resort :/ there are PLENTY of things that will teach kids discipline without being physical. Get creative! Sign them up for volunteer work that they really do not want to do, it will look good in their future as well. Have them pick up litter. Dishes for a week, helping out neighbors with yard work, no friends for a week, no tv, video games. Etc. I was brought up with spanking and no grounding, I had learned nothing but hide moms coming. Thankfully I learned responsibility as I grew older with school and work.
98- I wish I'd only get grounded. I get spankings still on top of that. They don't care how old I am. If I live under their roof, I can be punished however they choose. It's not so much the physical pain of being spanked that makes me regret actions anymore, it's the embarrassment of having your parent spank you when you're in high school.
I only support spanking the child on serious issues, if the parents spank the child on every little damn thing, that's too much, you might turn the kid the wrong way. I am glad that my dad kicked my ass hard that one time, that spanking put me back on the right path of life, and that was the only time he ever beat me.
Honestly I'm going to say this straight up, I've seen the different outcomes of both sides. Honestly I don't think spankings are a sufficient way to punish ANY kid. It's down right terrible. I've seen my friends cry after they've done something wrong and their mom is around. You shouldn't make your kid afraid of you. If your child has done something they shouldn't have you could either ground them by removing any social aspect of they're life, their entertainment and so fourth. Or you could actually talk to them, not give them a "stern talking to" but actually sit them down and talk about what they did. It really does work. Or like one of the people above say make them do volunteer work, or make them pick up all the animal poo (yes even four year olds can do that -- it was my job and has always been my job). By physically punishing them they aren't learning not to do it again just learning that you get mad. Think of children under 6 as dogs after awhile they've forgotten what they've done and by the time you come around and spank them they won't even remember what they did, or that what they did was wrong. In this case she might of known what a paycheck was but accidentally picked up the wrong piece of paper to rip apart. All OP has to do is explain to his daughter that what she tore up was his paycheck and explain to her what a paycheck is and what the consequences of her actions will affect not only her but the entire family. Kids need to know what they did, why it's wrong, and how to know not to do it next time. If OP were to spank her I honestly don't think she would learn a single thing only that her father is angry and she is getting hurt and embarrassed. I was spanked when I was younger I resented my parents for the longest time they also would put soap in my mouth which would only make me run and hide. Don't make your kid afraid, or make them uncomfortable. They won't forget. It's easier to forgive than it is to forget. So please please don't spank your child, or teenager. I've never forgotten the times my parents slapped me or spanked me. However I have forgotten why, and I'm guessing all of you have too. So think about it do you really want to continue that cycle?
I'd just like to remind all of you that it's not "this generation" that's against spanking, it's mostly your generation (seeing as most of you spanking supporters complaining are upwards of twenty). This generation doesn't really have kids yet, and it's our parents that decided spanking was bad. And really, like any other disciplinary action, spanking works on some kids and doesn't work on others. The threat of a spanking made my sister stop what she was doing immediately but it never fazed me (I've always had a high pain tolerance). Some people would simply continue hitting harder, which to me seems ridiculous- like trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole with brute force- but I was lucky enough to have parents who found other ways to show me right and wrong. I respect my parents, get good grades, have never touched any sort of drugs and I try my best to be a credit as opposed to a drain on society, so I'd say when I do "turn out", I'll turn out alright too. You don't need to be spanked to be a productive member of society, and you can still be a burnout even if you're spanked. The same is true for other forms of discipline. In my opinion, instead of simply doing what your parents did or following a structure of discipline that you've heard of and agreed with, you should find out what works for YOUR kid and then go from there. I know I'm gonna get thumbed down because I'm a "little baby who knows nothing about parenting," but oh well, that's just my two cents. And back to the FML, if your daughter is young enough to think that a carnivorous plant will eat paper, she probably doesn't even know she picked up your very important pay cheque. If your first reaction is, "beat her, she did something bad," you're clearly doing it out of anger and not to discipline her, which is more abusive than helpful. Just explain to her, and invest in some sort of hanging folder to put important documents into. FYL, since sometimes shit happens with kids and you have to move on.
I wonder if Venus fly traps eat children? Who knows? It may make you feel better!
id call your job and see if they could re print it or something. that really sucks sorry OP
I don't understand, where did it say that she fed the flytrap after the paycheck incident? I love your comments but I don't understand where you get your facts on this one. If she's stupid enough to feed a paycheck to the plant, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't feed it afterwards.