Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth...

By pheebs314 - 7/11/2012 21:16 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

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pheebs314 Say more :

to 18- I'm the op... I didn't realize I hadn't been signed in when I posted. Basically, I have had the same.insurance for years and been using it for the same birth control for at least 5. I'm not sure what happened... Some clerical error I guess. I had it figured out but it was definitely weird.

Health

Time don't heal nothing

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

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By Jake - 25/7/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2019 00:01

Freak out!

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

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By sickly - 20/1/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

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By yessssir - 9/3/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

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By anon - 27/7/2011 00:01 - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

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By DebitDebacle - 15/7/2018 19:00

Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:37 - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

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By fmlmao - 28/1/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

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By TalkDirtyToMe - 10/10/2014 19:33 - New Zealand

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

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By whinywiper - 25/5/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

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By Briscuit - 5/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

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By oink oink fuck off - 29/7/2012 18:49 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

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By cogu - 3/2/2010 19:34 - France

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

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By Sam - 2/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

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By ayeyieyie - 26/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Hypocrite move

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but when I took out the ring it flew out of the box and disappeared. She's been crying for 3 hours and I'm down 2 grand. I still don't know what her answer is. FML

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By Lovers lost... - 24/3/2018 19:00

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

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By youfuckingdumbassmum - 27/12/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

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By eliinu - 2/9/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

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By LoveLost - 9/7/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

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By juggalomurderer59 - 12/11/2014 16:00 - United States

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

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By MsAnonymous17 - 26/5/2013 23:20 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

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By oopsjsp90 - 17/10/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

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By Toloveornottolove - 12/6/2016 16:08 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

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By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

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By fmylifechelsea - 27/4/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

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By SomeDJ - 12/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By SomeExplainingToDo - 4/9/2017 04:30

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

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By Emily J. - 18/6/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML

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By anonymous - 11/11/2018 13:30

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

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By neverdrivingagain - 4/7/2009 02:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours arguing with my mother, who claimed I shouldn't make a three hour drive because I wouldn't be able to concentrate for that long. I argued that I was a perfectly capable driver, and left. In the last 2 minutes of the journey, I hit a van and messed up the front of my car. FML

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By whatislife1969 - 8/9/2017 10:00

Baby don't hurt me...

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

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By texasbest - 2/9/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 05:00 - United States

Drama abounds

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 21:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

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Top comments

By SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5126035 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:21

It's those fucking jeans!
Jeans always make you look like you have a boner. Even if you're female.

By Welshite | 39

#5125992 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:16

Well, you can prove you are a woman, but I think only the male nurses would appreciate the gesture.

Comments

By TheDovahkiid | 2

#5125984 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:15

Well that's fucking dumb of your insurance.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5126065 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:24

Like a bad neighbor, they aren't there!
And they're not on your side!

P374RD3D | 9

#5126157 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:42

^Oh no, a bad neighbor is always there.

jujubunni5 | 9

#5126496 - Thursday 8 November 2012 2:10

AND YOUR WIFE! Or in her case her boyfriend or husband.

By pikapikalove | 5

#5125989 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:16

It's okay, OP... The FML Community knows you're a woman... I think....

simonelli | 9

#5126740 - Thursday 8 November 2012 4:12

And how is that any consolation!?..

liv_graham | 7

#5126920 - Thursday 8 November 2012 6:43

The FML committee also knows you're an asshole.

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5131163 - Friday 9 November 2012 11:26

I feel as if 3 is a moment away from, making a comment, requesting a picture for proof that the OP is a female. Creepers status there!

By liv_graham | 7

#5125991 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:16

How would they have the record of you being a man? Don't they check doctors visits?

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5126881 - Thursday 8 November 2012 6:10

They do check doctor's visits. And they're going to need you to reimburse them for that gynecology visit last month.

By Welshite | 39

#5125992 - Thursday 8 November 2012 0:16

Well, you can prove you are a woman, but I think only the male nurses would appreciate the gesture.

pheebs314 | 17

#5126994 - Thursday 8 November 2012 8:09

I don't think there are any male nurses at this particular doctor's office. There are like 2 male docs but everyone that works there otherwise is a woman. It's kind of nice.