Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read...

By Cogibbt - 3/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

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Incognito browsing

Doomed

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

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By sting - 6/12/2014 01:32 - United States - Valencia

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

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By killmenow - 19/2/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

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By Buzz - 28/11/2008 05:35 - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager". FML

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By Lameartist - 12/2/2012 10:36

Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part of a college application that took a good week. When I read over the requirements, I found out it needed to be done in graphite pencil. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

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By awkwardaf3 - 12/12/2016 01:13 - United States - Bel Air

Today, as I squatted down to get a snack, my pajama pants ripped wide open. I guess the universe is try to tell me something. FML

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By mybackhurts - 4/2/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 22:00

Today, after a day of walking around downtown, shopping and going out to eat, I came home to notice I had a dirty thong stuck to the back of my shirt. FML

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By forever young - 5/7/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

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By Sam - 26/9/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML

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By tobuscus9412 - 22/3/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

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By ugh - 20/6/2015 10:45 - United States - Tampa

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 07:21 - Australia

Today, I was on MSN when the conversation died. So I lied and told them I had to go get ready for a party, and that everyone was expecting me there. I spent the rest of the night playing The Sims. FML

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By club goer - 20/2/2013 19:48 - Canada

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

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By stunned - 15/3/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 00:28

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

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By aintgotnoteeth - 19/7/2016 17:53

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

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By wounded pride, intact cock - 17/1/2015 18:49 - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2013 00:04 - United States - Reno

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

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By blarp - 17/10/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

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By happy birthday to me - 5/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

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By chevysprint - 28/2/2010 05:36 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2015 18:58 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

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By mylifesucks - 30/8/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2012 01:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

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By AmihayG - 27/3/2012 16:32 - Israel

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

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By fucked five ways to friday - 3/1/2013 23:36 - United States - Stayton

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

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By ThanksForTheWarningDad - 22/7/2016 11:09 - United States - Wood River

Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML

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By alii2349 - 11/2/2014 03:16 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2020 02:01

The age-old story

Today, the girl I’ve been crushing over for so long told me that I’m a great guy and a catch, but then went on to tell me all about the other guy she’s been sleeping with. FML.

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By RheaDitto - 18/6/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

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By JeffeeBojangles - 28/2/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

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By ugly5402 - 6/1/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

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By DDubs - 8/1/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2014 06:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

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Top comments

By BigSissy | 14

#7828188 - Saturday 3 August 2019 20:16

Think of all the times she explained things to you when you were young and cut her some slack

By RichardPencil | 28

#7828195 - Saturday 3 August 2019 20:58

You know how a garbage truck is made?

COMMENTS

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7828169 - Saturday 3 August 2019 17:47

Oh, so they aren't???

By BigSissy | 14

#7828188 - Saturday 3 August 2019 20:16

Think of all the times she explained things to you when you were young and cut her some slack

By RichardPencil | 28

#7828195 - Saturday 3 August 2019 20:58

You know how a garbage truck is made?