Health: Today, my dad hurt his back. He went to a physical therapist...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dad hurt his back. He went to a physical therapist who gave him some exercises to do. I have to watch him lie on his back and air hump while groaning every hour on the hour for the next two weeks. FML

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Health

Buzzing the tower

TMI

Mr Sensitivity

By ohmy. - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

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By pygmyfrog - 10/12/2020 14:02

Seize the means

Today, I watched a supervisor in our workspace staple an underling's skirt to her shirt, as the supervisor didn't like her wearing a hip-level skirt, despite having no public contact. FML

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By urinetrouble - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

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By kel - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

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By vanessa_d15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

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By slenderman908 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By Joseflloyd - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Lafayette

Thief

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

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By Holding - United States - Staunton

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

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By Grubendol - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

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By lizzardbreath - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

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By Fml37 - Canada

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

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By Little tears - 2/1/2021 14:05 - United States

Cranking

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

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By Carnage23 - Germany - Herborn

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

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By whytetrash - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

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By mstannyngdogevr - United States - Orlando

Today, my fiancé and I moved into a new home a few houses away from our previous one. We were excited about not hearing our roommate's dog howling non-stop anymore. We can hear him from the new house. Very clearly. FML

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By hubby - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

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By oh my dad - United States - Florence

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

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By CryoSpectre - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

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By Worst Way To Get Promoted

Promoted!

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

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By argh - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

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By Sudoc

Working too hard!

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

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By SFra - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

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By Idk - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

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By Toloveornottolove - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

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By Eric John Los - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

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By yourwifelovesme

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

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By stranded - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

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By God the smell

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

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By Anonymous

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

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Top comments

By WiseGuy79 | 14

#1385023 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:17

You don't have to watch anything u nut just leave the damn room

By Lackadaisy_Baby | 0

#1385143 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:33

How is this an FML? Your dad's the one whose injured, in pain, and having to do the exercises (which he probably thinks are just as embarrassing as you do). Did it ever occur to you that the reason you need to be in the room with him is in case something goes wrong and he hurts himself worse? Back injuries, even minor ones, are not to be taken lightly. You don't have to literally watch his every move - read a friggin' book or something.

"Oh my god! I have to watch my hurt father 'hump' the air for a few minutes every hour so he can regain his full mobility! My life SUUUUCKS."

Grow up.

COMMENTS

By imhowie | 2

#1384963 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:09

I have the face of Fred Phelps and the body of a gigantic, sentient blob of lard

DearLar | 0

#1384987 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:11

that's sexy

seanders | 10

#1385171 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:37

Oh well he'll have a very happy wife when all is said n done.

Mars_Bars_Big_Na | 0

#1385177 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:38

o waaahh get ovr it

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1385295 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:59

WAAAHHH WAAHHHH yeah!, how do you like it now, huh!? WAAHHHh WAAHHH

ReconX | 2

#1385470 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:38

My dad does the same thing...

KingDingALing | 9

#1385484 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:41

OP- He's practicing for your mom ;D

BallinJ | 0

#1385800 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:03

uhhhh who said you are forced to watch?

JuliaM1000 | 10

#1385995 - Saturday 11 September 2010 5:01

Hehe smexii. he's practicing for his next drunk victim! MWAHAHAhhahahahahahaaaa

MichieBabiie | 0

#1386295 - Saturday 11 September 2010 6:41

lol, fyl

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1386363 - Saturday 11 September 2010 7:13

you don't have to watch you can walk away you idiot!

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1387118 - Saturday 11 September 2010 11:16

I just now realized that, "therapist" is also, "the rapist". 0.o

ilovemydoodle123 | 0

#1387381 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:49

exactly!

TechnoTaco | 0

#1390882 - Sunday 12 September 2010 4:20

My dad does the same thing. Only difference is that he's perfectly healthy.
-jk-

By dickster | 0

#1385013 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:15

The FML is that you can't be on top, right?

Ashleexx | 0

#1385033 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:18

ewww WTF it's her dad!! pedooo

Intoxicunt | 5

#1385091 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:25

Actually, number 9, I highly doubt the OP is a young child. I even doubt they're around puberty, which would make him a hebephile. He may be an ephebephile, though. But chances are, she's just a regular adult. So it's incest.

Sorry, I just hate overused and misused words like "pedo" and "stalker".

And #12, maybe he has to be spotted or something. IDK.

starile | 19

#1385348 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:10

I actually took OP to be a young high schooler. A regular adult would understand the severity of her father's situation and not be so put off by his physical therapy to call it an FML. And she probably wouldn't still be living with her father.. Ephebephile it is!

OP: Quit whining, it's a FHL. And for that, YDI.