Miscellaneous: Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 694

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 135

30/01/2010 17:21

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 2 436

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Broken heart

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 229

17/03/2009 18:17

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 457

You deserved it 31 403

19/04/2009 18:09

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 836

You deserved it 64 105

11/03/2016 01:59

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 025

You deserved it 2 036

27/12/2010 17:53

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 244

You deserved it 10 005

Let's go for a walk

By jonloran - 14/08/2015 09:08

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 269

08/09/2010 08:19

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 528

You deserved it 3 468

23/02/2013 07:32

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 095

You deserved it 6 610

24/07/2016 03:18

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 165

You deserved it 1 401

10/05/2009 20:41

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 986

You deserved it 3 207

16/03/2013 21:52

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 192

You deserved it 3 587

13/12/2011 02:15

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 251

You deserved it 9 242

22/06/2015 14:41

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 774

You deserved it 2 673

17/04/2009 06:29

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 159

You deserved it 78 461

02/08/2011 17:35

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 414

You deserved it 5 275

07/04/2013 09:19

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 113

You deserved it 2 926

05/03/2012 09:42

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 370

You deserved it 23 926

09/08/2011 12:55

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 12 415

31/01/2013 07:23

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 868

You deserved it 5 746

12/09/2011 03:23

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 840

You deserved it 2 487

30/04/2011 17:50

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 23 127

15/02/2017 23:00

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 129

You deserved it 645

09/01/2017 20:30

Today, my parents accidentally bounced some checks through a miscommunication. They now owe the bank $700 and can't afford groceries, which means we're relying on me, a 17-year-old girl who works at McDonald's 2 days a week, to get us by for the next few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 997

You deserved it 509

18/10/2013 16:26

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 133

You deserved it 3 519

Contagion

By breejanai - 11/04/2017 04:00

Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 594

You deserved it 291

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 05:00

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 297

06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 189

We could be heroes…

By Fired - 08/04/2011 11:58

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 983

You deserved it 5 652

20/08/2009 12:45

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 513

You deserved it 3 065

13/03/2016 22:30

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 4 158

02/03/2011 00:11

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 250

You deserved it 3 222

12/01/2012 20:06

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 2 940

08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 2 798

22/11/2012 01:20

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 998

You deserved it 31 824

06/06/2016 05:13

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 1 321

02/09/2018 18:30

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 306

If only it was a leap year

By Nathaniel Bastien - 06/02/2021 23:01

Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 62

Jumpy

By Chelsea - 21/04/2009 05:20

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 654

You deserved it 70 963

04/10/2009 05:04

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 453

You deserved it 19 714

06/09/2010 08:35

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 2 888

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Top comments

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:06

Standard guy stuff. Everyone hangs a washcloth or towel on their dick and stares at it for a minute for lulz.

xxhappyninjaxx 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:03

wow that really sucks

Comments

xxhappyninjaxx 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:03

wow that really sucks

seabrook 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:03

rofl aw

Ajjas013 6

Saturday 30 January 2010 20:11

Be thankful he wasn't fully naked.

Dandamanoo 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:34

better out than in

danielj8 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:59

Sucks for you. disown your dad.

Danielt104 6

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:07

Lol, nice dad. XD

Caayouteepie 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:04

lol?

Jake1595 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:05

haha!

ihatedads 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:05

fyl.

LauraTheKiwi 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 0:22

Your name goes well with this. :L

chicababe912 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:05

haha that's great

bazinga_fml 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:06

Poor girl..

MuRz_209 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:06

what the hellllll 

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:06

Standard guy stuff. Everyone hangs a washcloth or towel on their dick and stares at it for a minute for lulz.

TheDaveCA 1

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:08

Most guys don't share it with a wedding party though...

ncurtsak 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 0:15

10/14 both completly true statements haha FYL though

crystalxa 35

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Thursday 24 April 2014 18:36

I agree it's standard guy stuff! And I hope we was drunk, but it is hilarious!

snakrange 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:06

HAHA FAIL!

luvuall 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:07

Tarzan =P