Miscellaneous: Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because...

By tothebaneofkings - 23/04/2014 04:20 - United States

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 711

You deserved it 4 080

tothebaneofkings tells us more.

tothebaneofkings 5

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Thursday 24 April 2014 1:22

Ha, this got posted really fast. I am the OP. This actually had happened a while ago. To answer some questions, my great grandma had been drinking and had been talking about how her two daughters only want money from her. And that when she died, "I'll leave one dollar in the bank and let them fight over it!" An evil cackle included. I can only guess that this brought around her age into her mind, since she's in her late 80's and probably only has 15 years left with luck, because the fml was the next words out of her mouth. Maybe to comfort herself, I honestly don't know. But it was followed by her looking at my female cousin and saying, "I can teach you how to get into the V formation." Needless to say, we were both horrified to the point of irrational laughter.

Miscellaneous

Own it

Sorry…

Growing old

Ready for the grill!

By boopingsnoot - 05/08/2017 20:00

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 957

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 08:49 - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 319

You deserved it 5 174

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 19:26

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 016

You deserved it 32 875

By hikari_chan_xo - 28/03/2012 12:00 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 492

You deserved it 21 210

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 11:53 - United States

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 369

You deserved it 2 981

By HF44 - 29/07/2015 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 1 689

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 514

You deserved it 51 500

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 235

You deserved it 4 923

By Ima in Hungary - 22/03/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 730

You deserved it 2 585

By anti88 - 01/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 991

You deserved it 4 520

By owl + bungee cord - 07/01/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 297

You deserved it 9 992

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 700

You deserved it 4 189

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 97

By Shitsuo01 - 30/12/2016 01:56 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 325

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 175

Still better than the Cats movie

By dirty deeds - 31/05/2020 14:00

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 131

By fmlimoverit - 12/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 182

You deserved it 3 674

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 347

By blkchkrm - 25/12/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 2 710

By JellitonOctopus - 25/01/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 2 644

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 853

You deserved it 4 570

By TheLemon - 17/02/2017 04:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 796

You deserved it 550

By soreloser - 20/05/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 786

You deserved it 6 180

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 12:00

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 106

Work it

By fatty - 07/09/2019 20:00

Today, after a full year of vigorous exercise 7 days a week, and a strict diet of vegetables, fruits, and water, I can proudly say that I've lost half a pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 335

Cursed lake

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 129

By Nobody - 17/10/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 162

You deserved it 58 403

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 211

By ghoul - 08/03/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 4 212

By BrokenHearted - 04/07/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 819

You deserved it 5 800

Halloween, the long wait

By androidjezus - 03/11/2019 18:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 438

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 927

You deserved it 12 567

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 299

You deserved it 3 166

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 099

You deserved it 9 547

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 683

You deserved it 352

Smile like you mean it

By sad - 24/08/2021 08:01

Today, I was feeling sad and depressed at work, when a customer said, “Smile. It’s nice and sunny outside.” Sunny weather makes me depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 574

By Dana - 10/05/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 12 097

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 160

You deserved it 7 106

By BAMN2187 - 31/12/2012 03:51 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 914

You deserved it 9 018

By tina - 17/08/2010 12:30 - Canada

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 4 087

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Top comments

AlenaRoseLee 8

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:17

Well, at least she didn't show you

PrimeEvilTahir 24

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:15

You mean... GGILF

AlenaRoseLee 8

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:17

Well, at least she didn't show you

LeFrogDog 27

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 14:06

...but I bet the mental image wasn't hairy.

tournamentdecide 33

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 14:25

Not hairy..? Oh god you just mentally scarred me.

BIGBOY4rmAHM 19

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:07

So, just to get that clear, the carpet doesn't match the drapes?

oddities 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:36

I'm hoping that she said that to OP's great-grandfather and OP overheard. At least it's slightly better.

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

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Thursday 24 April 2014 3:11

51- probably the carpet is bald

ELoni_fml 25

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:17

That is something you do not need to know about your great grandma :S

Robtranis 11

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 23:09

We all need to know about our great grandma's well being.

dr_snow_bear 29

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:18

GILF.

PrimeEvilTahir 24

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:15

You mean... GGILF

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 21:35

giggidy

nana_star 27

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:18

Unless she offered to show you, I do not see the problem

elcee1987 18

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:19

... omg...

the_truth_lives 9

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Thursday 24 April 2014 2:00

I love the thought and literature you took to write this comment.

LCPLStewie 23

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:19

At least she'a still happy with the way she is and taking the ageing process like a pro!

LeFrogDog 27

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 14:12

With age comes experience

Tanyz1 12

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:23

omg why would you share that! Holy crap someone pass ME the bleach.

MisterEx 28

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 13:46

Someday, somewhere, somebody, might just do exactly that, dear.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:28

A fine example of TMI.

TheRoyalBattler 5

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:30

GRAY-t to know!

LeFrogDog 27

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 14:15

WHITE did you tell me this?

hanner12 13

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 17:05

extrasnipes 22

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 19:01

I'm feeling a little green

ycrem0n 21

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 11:53

Sometimes the carpet doesn't match the drapes.

ALN212111 7

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:59

Your face makes that comment hilarious (yet terrifying) ...

MisterEx 28

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 13:44

Let's take a moment to discuss your own profile picture here, 21 dearest.

SmittyJA24 26

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:59

Speaking as a person well over 50, gray "up here" usually means there is gray all over. Yes, kids: all the body hair will go gray eventually. And, FWIW, "the carpet" is usually a bit darker than "the drapes", even in blondes.

cakefete2 30

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 18:01

I bet you're wishing that grandma would show you, huh? Have fun in Caribbean man. Good stuff.

MisterEx 28

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 18:08

Also, and I don't mean to scare you, since she's a great grand mother, there is a slight chance she doesn't even have a carpet.

cakefete2 30

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 19:30

No carpet? Maybe she installed... hard wood floors.

Ray_of_midnight 22

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 20:13

@55 I'm in my late 40s and have been going bald since Bush 41 was in office. I only wish that the hair fell out *below* the neck, too. I hate being a damn Wookiee, especially since the fashion for men now is to be completely hairless below the ears.