Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML
Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, I finally told my crush I liked him. He smiled and said, “That’s sweet, but I thought you knew I was seeing someone.” I laughed awkwardly and said, “Of course, I was just joking!” Then I immediately tripped over my own bag while leaving. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML
Today, after thinking my crush maybe liked me back, I confessed. He didn't. FML
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Top comments
girlygirl666 0
I'll bet this wasn't the first time you had wood in your ass.
stolencrackers 1
I understand the phase of "crush" is the time you want everything to go "perfectly." Hopefully, you can look back and laugh at it, too. On my 3rd date with my now husband, oh boy did I make a fool of myself I thought for sure he'd think I was crazy.. but we both laughed at it, and now we're happily married!
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Comments (75)
Skull_300 0
You got poked in the arse?
pinkyluvs8 0
#12! You are a jerk just so you know. Nd girl i'm sorry about that except i would have laughed with the guy dont worry itll be fine
catatonicsleep 17
did he remove the splinter for you with tweezers?
Jefe_fml 0
Nope, with his teeth.
overrandom 4
This isn't really an FML. It'd be an FML if you got the splinter and he told you he disliked you.
musicislife1995_fml 0
aww, well at least he still loves you :)
APD16 1
#12, arse is the original word commonly used in Britain, ass is just an American dialect. Get your facts straight before you say how we speak badly
R1s3Aga1nst 0
(Insert insult to America/Britain here)
jessxoxo28 5
thats a funny moment to remember
Aha09 1
You got wood. LMFAO. I thought that was the guy's job.
Squander 3
I'm not gonna get hostile, but this seems more of a happy story than an FML. Crush telling you he returns your feelings: totally rad. Getting a splinter: Minor fault on a happy event. [bragging]Then again, my first kiss was perfect[/bragging]