Love and Holidays: Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 55

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 020

26/12/2017 08:00

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 804

You deserved it 342

Triage

Business is business

Signs

10/07/2012 23:26

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 971

You deserved it 1 924

Curiosity!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 14:00

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 3 097

21/10/2013 19:07

Spicy

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 667

You deserved it 4 463

13/09/2009 23:10

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 926

You deserved it 4 317

02/05/2017 14:00

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 057

You deserved it 380

15/10/2010 14:08

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 382

You deserved it 4 065

Actually…

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 05:02

Today, I’ve been single for 6 and a half years. It was fun for a while, but now it’s just sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 130

27/01/2015 00:19

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 711

You deserved it 2 415

31/12/2012 07:58

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 647

You deserved it 6 511

21/03/2009 16:11

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 553

You deserved it 37 025

19/09/2014 22:38

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 4 451

12/07/2013 20:40

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 989

You deserved it 6 791

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 154

01/10/2015 13:26

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 487

You deserved it 3 715

Dude walked into a porno…

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 17:59

Spicy

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 112

19/08/2009 22:31

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 024

You deserved it 4 686

19/08/2016 14:55

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 549

You deserved it 1 208

That's sick

By Howww_06 - 04/09/2021 11:01

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which i didn't know of because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 150

Panic attack

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:22

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 666

You deserved it 18 035

07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 722

You deserved it 358

Next!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 05:00

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 262

20/01/2012 23:33

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 797

You deserved it 5 437

27/06/2016 03:46

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 929

Great parenting

By not my responsibility - 05/10/2021 07:59

Today, my sister is upset that I won’t upturn my entire life by letting her kids stay at my house 4-5 days a week. She decided to move in with her boyfriend after one month, before even introducing him to her kids. Now he’s decided he doesn’t like the kids, so she wants me to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 62

22/03/2014 21:08

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 963

You deserved it 11 410

19/11/2011 11:42

Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 057

You deserved it 46 447

02/07/2013 14:35

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 361

You deserved it 3 069

Where'd you go?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 02:01

Today, I'm being ghosted by someone who said they wanted to meet up, but never texted me. She could've just said she wasn't interested, but instead we made plans. She kept writing back, saying how excited she was to meet me, and then I never heard from her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 56

31/01/2012 13:13

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 234

You deserved it 3 909

31/03/2012 04:49

Spicy

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 002

You deserved it 2 921

07/11/2011 09:38

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 981

You deserved it 5 090

09/06/2011 02:00

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 524

You deserved it 5 121

09/10/2009 15:05

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 441

You deserved it 42 855

Truthbomb

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 13:00

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 640

You deserved it 918

03/10/2013 15:38

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 122

You deserved it 5 326

30/08/2015 11:29

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 900

You deserved it 1 768

26/09/2009 08:00

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 594

You deserved it 6 349

06/09/2011 05:33

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 2 524

12/05/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 206

Incitation

By Carnifex - 09/08/2021 07:59

Today, I'm an overweight guy who has lost 40lbs, and I found out my online dating profile was disabled for encouraging violence. It was a picture of me, in a bulletproof vest, in my uniform at work, because it was the best picture I got thanks to my weight loss journey, and I'm only 50 pounds away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 125

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Top comments

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Tuesday 26 December 2017 15:01

If you own the house there’s no problem. Make sure she doesn’t have a spare set of keys

Mynxie 26

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Thursday 7 December 2017 20:47

Contact the police and see what your rights are in terms of a restraining order

Comments

Mynxie 26

Send a private message

Thursday 7 December 2017 20:47

Contact the police and see what your rights are in terms of a restraining order

Send a private message

Sunday 31 December 2017 14:35

Think thats a bit excessive for the situation

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Tuesday 26 December 2017 15:01

If you own the house there’s no problem. Make sure she doesn’t have a spare set of keys

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Tuesday 26 December 2017 20:08

Peeping mom much

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Tuesday 26 December 2017 23:00

You don't just marry a person, you marry their family too. You become part of the family. So unless you are planning to move very far away once you are married, you will be spending all kinds of time with a crazy mom who clearly doesn't think you are good enough for her son and also believes she should have access to your home. Run...run far, run fast, and don't look back.

Send a private message

Saturday 30 December 2017 1:56

Problem is some of the best relationships over come such obticals together that been said I believe the generation before the 90s baby's are the most damaged....

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 2:42

Give her a gift that includes a restraining order!

DanielleinDC 32

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 4:07

How can your future MIL kick you out of your own house? And your fiance needs to set some boundaries with his mother now or she'll make your marriage hell.

boopingsnoot 24

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 5:46

Front door, or bedroom door? Front door: restraining order, big talk with fiance Bedroom door: big talk with fiance about her moving out

Bridger Walczynski 12

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 6:54

Time to talk to your SO about ground rules. obviously they need to grow up and talk to their mother and tell them what is and isn't okay in YOUR home. And if they aren't grown enough to do that, it might be time to find someone new

rebelwithmouseyhair 16

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 10:17

How on earth do you get to the point where you have to lock your MIL out? I expect she's crossed the line too often. I hope your fiancé tells her where to get off at least!

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Wednesday 27 December 2017 21:46

if you own the house then I dont see what the problem is.

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Thursday 28 December 2017 17:28

Having to deal with someone so unreasonable, obviously.