Health: Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've...

By FMyBrain - 06/06/2014 21:26 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 499

You deserved it 6 032

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/09/2016 13:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 261

You deserved it 2 497

Butterfingers

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 990

You deserved it 32 359

Accidents will happen

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 004

You deserved it 9 304

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 179

Slice of life

By Eleanor - 19/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 886

You deserved it 626

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 977

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 02:00

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 102

By imalwaystired - 21/01/2010 20:20 - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 392

You deserved it 7 629

Cool moves

By UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH - 09/11/2022 22:00

Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 173

Welshite 39

Saturday 7 June 2014 1:47

Roll yourself in bubble wrap and wait for the Universe to find another hapless victim. It's the only thing left to do.

umerin 32

Saturday 7 June 2014 1:47

Just one of those days, eh?

Comments

Mii99 16

Saturday 7 June 2014 5:19

Chuck Norris

Geometric 18

Saturday 7 June 2014 5:25

We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of FMyBrain, who lived his life to the fullest despite being plagued by a series of unfortunate events. Long may he rest in peace.

kristopher_0819 6

Saturday 7 June 2014 5:30

I hope he answers back

Llama_Face89 33

Saturday 7 June 2014 5:38

I'm gonna say if there's no OP response that they died.

vikky538 28

Saturday 7 June 2014 7:13

this is called FML final destination...

Girlie7 11

Saturday 7 June 2014 7:40

We need a follow up if your alive.....if not RIP...

skehar 23

Saturday 7 June 2014 9:09

Well, are you?

mkayden 23

Saturday 7 June 2014 11:52

I feel you OP. I had something similar yesterday, I kept almost tripping over everything and I almost fell out of nowhere a couple times as well.. It's gonna be ok OP!

sjhill 32

Saturday 7 June 2014 13:29

I'm moving out today and I've so far managed to dislocate my shoulder, slice my knuckle open somehow, faceplant off a bus and walk into a door. I have bubble wrap too. I'm just going to roll myself up in it and try not to suffocate in the meantime. All this has happened after I read this, so I think you're contagious.