Health: Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After... - FML

By imalwaystired - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

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Season finale

This is fine

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By Accident-prone af - 7/7/2020 20:02

Kitchen nightmares

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By "skinnydick" - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

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By Lou - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

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By annoyed - United States - Houston

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

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By No.Life. - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

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By UHLSucksSTL - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By 16590 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

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By someone - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

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By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

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By missseloit3

Et tu, Brute?

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML

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By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wheatland

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

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By juliaspaperbags - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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By viperplay53 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

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By ugh - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

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By r4inb0wbrit3 - United States - Townsend

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

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By wiseoldone - United States

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

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By Numnum - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

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By Hikara - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

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By ash - United States

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

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By Distracted - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

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By gs - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

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Top comments

By betseyville | 6

#789342 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:09

I couldn't help but think of the Single Ladies' clown.

By FreakHead | 0

#790747 - Friday 22 January 2010 12:51

O come on guys you all say YDI for not closing the cabinet door, it happens to everyone

COMMENTS

By betseyville | 6

#789342 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:09

I couldn't help but think of the Single Ladies' clown.

Reply

mulisha52 | 0

#789451 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:55

your hot!!

Reply

kukitheaf | 0

#790392 - Friday 22 January 2010 7:37

she's hot. :D

By Mustardnight | 3

#789344 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:10

Lol thats happened to me.

By aeslehc_ | 0

#789348 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:10

YDI for not closing the cabinet. Common sense.

Reply

bloodmonk115 | 3

#789561 - Friday 22 January 2010 0:52

ya that comment was fake and gay

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#789569 - Friday 22 January 2010 0:56

I don't know how a comment can be homosexual, but whatever works in your world.

Reply

lsantos | 0

#789933 - Friday 22 January 2010 3:22

I think Snickerdoodle is great, personally.

Reply

JohnLovesFMLs | 0

#790654 - Friday 22 January 2010 11:38

Go troll YouTube, sympathy is what this op needs.

By azurablade | 0

#789350 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:11

thirdies!!!

By assvomit | 0

#789353 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:11

what a load of shit.

By swimspy | 3

#789361 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:15

hahaha I did tht yesterday but my head then flew back knocking into my brothers head!

By hypergal | 1

#789366 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:17

omg I'm 6 anyway damn that sucks hardcore and I hate snickerdoodle she's annoying

Reply

chanellgymnast | 17

#5335932 - Wednesday 23 January 2013 7:53

You are adorableeeee:)

By silasandseansfml | 0

#789370 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:17

now what have you learned next time u open the cabnet be sure to close just like when women bitch about the toilet seat being left up it's called taking one second and do it yourself

By Sheebz | 0

#789376 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:21

i agree with #3, duh

By aeslehc_ | 0

#789379 - Thursday 21 January 2010 23:22

snickerdoodles, its not trolling, its common sense to close a cabinet after you open it. Especially if the cabinet is obviously going to get in the way if its left open and they already have a headache.