Health: Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 44

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 26

21/01/2010 20:20

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 7 605

Late term

Taking stock

The patriarchy rules

29/10/2009 05:20

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 7 644

01/04/2013 16:37

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 391

You deserved it 4 136

05/12/2012 01:06

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 778

You deserved it 2 794

23/01/2009 17:31

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 110

You deserved it 18 256

Snitch

By demonporn - 04/12/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 145

19/02/2010 02:20

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 495

You deserved it 24 914

05/12/2018 03:30

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 223

05/08/2013 04:00

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 052

You deserved it 9 797

24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 986

You deserved it 153

05/10/2017 08:00

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 019

You deserved it 393

The Other Woman

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 14:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend’s other girlfriend is pregnant. He doesn’t know that I know. A few days ago he told me that he couldn't have a baby with anyone. She has to be the right one, I guess I wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 154

10/10/2009 22:35

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 47 396

03/06/2014 11:56

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 690

You deserved it 8 904

14/01/2014 22:06

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 021

You deserved it 8 386

20/12/2016 04:05

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 658

You deserved it 8 936

13/10/2011 21:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 036

You deserved it 7 000

26/12/2014 14:58

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 3 632

02/03/2018 19:30

Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 824

03/03/2013 04:18

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 3 612

22/11/2018 23:00

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 289

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

By GOT not for me - 15/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 160

20/03/2018 15:00

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 716

You deserved it 204

Dumbass

By SpookyBiscuits - 27/12/2016 16:27

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 799

You deserved it 496

22/12/2011 08:09

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 3 647

17/04/2012 09:38

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 041

You deserved it 3 069

17/05/2015 21:27

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 2 115

15/03/2011 15:50

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 5 632

That escalated quickly

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 20:00

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 282

16/02/2016 07:39

Spicy

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 241

You deserved it 5 110

18/04/2009 04:44

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 049

You deserved it 5 699

14/05/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 183

01/06/2009 01:15

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 132

You deserved it 4 035

14/10/2009 15:19

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 934

You deserved it 3 734

04/03/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 338

You deserved it 577

01/10/2018 22:05

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 299

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 180

07/10/2009 02:07

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 4 088

04/07/2013 05:07

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 56 076

05/04/2009 05:04

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 813

You deserved it 6 575

26/06/2016 03:50

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 522

You deserved it 7 250

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:09

I couldn't help but think of the Single Ladies' clown.

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Friday 22 January 2010 12:51

O come on guys you all say YDI for not closing the cabinet door, it happens to everyone

Comments

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:09

I couldn't help but think of the Single Ladies' clown.

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:55

your hot!!

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Friday 22 January 2010 7:37

she's hot. :D

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:10

Lol thats happened to me.

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:10

YDI for not closing the cabinet. Common sense.

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Friday 22 January 2010 0:52

ya that comment was fake and gay

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 22 January 2010 0:56

I don't know how a comment can be homosexual, but whatever works in your world.

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Friday 22 January 2010 3:22

I think Snickerdoodle is great, personally.

JohnLovesFMLs 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 11:38

Go troll YouTube, sympathy is what this op needs.

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:11

thirdies!!!

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:11

what a load of shit.

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:15

hahaha I did tht yesterday but my head then flew back knocking into my brothers head!

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:17

omg I'm 6 anyway damn that sucks hardcore and I hate snickerdoodle she's annoying

chanellgymnast 17

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 7:53

You are adorableeeee:)

silasandseansfml 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:17

now what have you learned next time u open the cabnet be sure to close just like when women bitch about the toilet seat being left up it's called taking one second and do it yourself

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:21

i agree with #3, duh

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Thursday 21 January 2010 23:22

snickerdoodles, its not trolling, its common sense to close a cabinet after you open it. Especially if the cabinet is obviously going to get in the way if its left open and they already have a headache.