Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
"I was born in darkness..."
JustKittyKat 24
Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.
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Comments (135)
rivaraven 35
What is it with sex and talking both together? Do these people all have problems with talking? Sex is really good without talking.
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. Don't women usually tense up when getting close? I would think there are signs and the guys either are oblivious or don't care.
Steve95401 49
Your immature boyfriend is the bane of your existence.
Padrailmli 0
When this is no longer funny. Then you have my permission to ******
PrimeStarscream 30
Did you tell him you were about to get off and he let you down? Or did you sit back and take it and never communicate with him that he sucks at sex? Really, a large reason why people have horrible sex lives is they don't TALK about what works and what doesn't. Btw, for revenge, get him close with a *******, stop and start talking about girly stuff. That'll teach him.
artyler 3
The way this reads, you were uploading FML while he was still talking to your ****** as Bane. Wow.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
If you have time to text then yes the sex is over.
ViviMage 40
If he is wearing your ****** as a mask he's in too deep. You mean vulva unless his nose is buried inside you.
chloealice_fml 4
I would actually love this! I would do bad, bad things to him.
xkncas 8
That's where you tell him, like he would you, to: "shut up and keep going or he will never get it or in it again". As a guy, I can say he would deserve it if he didn't return right to helping you get off.