Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
"I was born in darkness..."
JustKittyKat 24
Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.
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Comments (135)
nnnope 26
so tell him to stfu & that you don't like when he does that? and hey, be thankful your boyfriend goes down on you at - we're not all so lucky.
diablodeldragoon 6
show me a man who won't eat out his woman; I'll show you how to end a relationship!
ohgeejosee 19
Yeah, we're not all that lucky hah.
mbuck87 19
Shower more and you might be so lucky...
nnnope 26
103: I bathe daily.
kawaiisakura 12
My ex never did when we dated cuz he didn't know what to do -.- he never cared to even try, just harassed me into doing stuff for him -.- so yeah, not all of us are so lucky
error404n0tf0und 21
that must of been a bane in the neck
laurenasabutton 26
I'm not usually a grammar Nazi, but this one is my pet peeve. It's 'have' not 'of'. You can't use prepositions as verbs dammit.
error404n0tf0und 21
I'm guessing it was supposed to be "an" not "a"
nnnope 26
>not usually a grammar nazi >"one of my pet peeve"
PenguinBitch 44
26- No. You're wrong again.
laurenasabutton 26
Actually 42, I said "this one is my pet peeve". Please read my comments before you falsely correct them.
RedPillSucks 33
I guess he's assuming you have more than one pet peeve. I agree that this was not worth correcting as your original possible meaning is fine.
shadowsorel 15
"One of my pet peeve" Assuming you have more than one pet peeve, you forgot to add "s" to the end of "peeve", making it plural. Otherwise, you shouldn't have added "one of".
WrongRomance 11
Dear god, she said "THIS ONE IS MY PET PEEVE." That doesn't require peeve to be plural.
laurenasabutton 26
79, I never used 'one of'. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE.
nnnope 26
how does one read people? just kidding, though it seems I read your first comment incorrectly, so, whoops.
Wizzlbang 10
maybe you shouldn't let him get baked before you have sex? I'm sorry if he wasn't, but it really sounds like he was.
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
Or he's just a major mood killer? People do dumb shit sober you know.
MrClean17 15
That's what I was going to say. My girlfriend would kill me if I pulled shit like this
acerima 11
I don't get some of these guys out there. So many women on her talk about their boyfriends doing these type of things. I have a feeling most of these women are dating childish boys.
000lizzy000 13
Either dating young boys or they are also young themselves. I don't know any mature relationship going on like this
sig4life 18
Well if you date young or immature you will get this. If you are with a man, you are not posting but laughing at what has been posted. These boys need a lot of help these days. Even when I was immature and young, if I was getting it, I was not stopping to do stupid shit like this or I would never have gotten more. I am still trying to figure out why these girls stay with these idiots.
Laurenlou 24
I think both the OP and her boyfriend are immature. If OP can't tell her boyfriend to stop and just close her legs then she is very immature. If OP's boyfriend knew she wouldn't like that at all but did this anyway, he is very immature. If OP can't laugh at something every now and then, she has a stick up her butt, which is immature. My boyfriend does goofy things in the middle of our make-out sessions but we laugh and move on. My advice to OP is to communicate with her boyfriend about what she likes and what she doesn't like.
sergio199407 3
Do a smegal voice when it's you're turn
error404n0tf0und 21
"my precious! "
daminantion 14
One **** ring to rule them all!
JaneDoe1024 6
are there any normal guys left out there or do all you females on these posts only date nerds? I have never had a sexual partner who feels the need to refer to any fictional characters during sexual activity or any other time! Its like wtf are you thinking about right now? do you get off from comic books?
jelly713 19
Well, I've had less serious cases of that happen. The cases are when the guy decides to crack jokes & be stupid to annoy me for like a few minutes. Guys have their dumb moments where they just feel like acting stupid.
RedPillSucks 33
Well, there's no FML in talking about how great your guy is in bed, he's always attentive and gives you multiple orgasms.
delaneyluke 5
Sigh!! When will we grow up ...n
pattayarick 8
Next time, date man, not a child.
lonewolf621 17
Know you know what to get him for his birthday!