Miscellaneous: Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West... - FML

By Torvaltz - 07/08/2016 08:31 - United States - Clinton

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 576

You deserved it 3 258

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

Own it

By Heavy D - 06/09/2012 13:45 - United States

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 860

You deserved it 2 005

By best_friend - 25/07/2011 06:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 9 929

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 352

By WTF? - 20/04/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 933

You deserved it 5 895

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 934

You deserved it 5 877

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 655

You deserved it 2 994

By NeverDrinkingAgain - 09/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 629

You deserved it 43 616

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 20:17 - United States - Fresno

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 228

You deserved it 26 079

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 05:42 - Canada

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 87 331

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 916

You deserved it 11 966

Not the sharpest tool

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 17:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Her six old likes me more than her. I hate kids. I stayed with her in spite of her son, because I love her. For some reason she thought I was going to leave her and take her kid with me. So she broke up with me first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 258

By who_cares - 09/07/2015 11:20 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 458

You deserved it 10 693

By Purple-jacket - 10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 317

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Spicy

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 40 360

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 16:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 719

You deserved it 13 306

Black Lives Matter

By jack1057 - 14/07/2020 05:01

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 273

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 985

You deserved it 12 253

By JWags - 04/12/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 1 470

By awkwardpanda - 27/01/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 778

You deserved it 711

By Anonymous - 03/04/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 464

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:26 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 640

You deserved it 3 760

By hoboman - 02/09/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 445

You deserved it 6 712

Nice try…

By Anonymous - 18/02/2015 18:06 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 451

You deserved it 64 143

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 243

You deserved it 1 160

McGastric

By Mc'xplosive - 09/10/2019 04:00

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 440

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 027

You deserved it 5 851

By Economess - 17/09/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 884

You deserved it 4 139

By AgentFreshers - 07/07/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 349

You deserved it 3 272

By fuckkkkk - 17/05/2015 06:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 3 575

By Anonymous - 03/08/2013 17:59 - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 775

You deserved it 4 279

By VelociTheRaptor - 23/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 152

You deserved it 753

By kittens go meow - 15/02/2012 00:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 3 548

Crank time

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Elyria

Spicy

Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling really down or pissed off, even when I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 103

By t - 17/05/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 698

You deserved it 6 135

Kick the bum out

By SleeplessinNJ - 20/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Raritan

Today, after spending money on all the furniture and decor in our apartment, paying rent every month from my bank account, paying for all the groceries, and paying for all the dog supplies, my fiance asked why I don't keep saving thousands of dollars every month, while he pays for none of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 402

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 972

You deserved it 4 104

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 6 759

Deception

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 138

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 3 612

By MSURebel70 - 16/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 859

You deserved it 3 342

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:18

I mean, technically you're not wrong..

Miss_Whipped 43

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:23

Could've been worse. You could've called it "West Vagina."

Comments

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:18

I mean, technically you're not wrong..

juuuliaaa_fml 19

Monday 8 August 2016 9:20

Brain Fart. They happen all the time.

ryannstevenn 11

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:22

Welcome to Virginia a bit to the left! Ya'll come back now, ya hear?

Rockinroyaltyx3 21

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Monday 8 August 2016 10:32

I like how you're welcoming them but at the same time telling them goodbye. xD

Miss_Whipped 43

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:23

Could've been worse. You could've called it "West Vagina."

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Monday 8 August 2016 10:07

Speaking from experience?

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Monday 8 August 2016 23:58

How do you enter it? :P sorry couldn't help myself!

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Tuesday 9 August 2016 6:05

Honestly thought that's where this FML was heading to

TheNoNameGuy 20

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:43

left and west. what's the difference?

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Saturday 13 August 2016 2:33

About two letters.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Monday 8 August 2016 13:43

You know, some people from West Virginia, myself included, have PhDs and successful careers. Please stop acting like we are dumb or that we marry our cousins. If you google marriage laws, you can marry closer relatives in Pennsylvania than you can in West Virginia. Time to get our facts straight, people!

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Monday 8 August 2016 14:15

Oddly defensive, #14.

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 8 August 2016 14:25

No, they're from Carolina a bit up.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Monday 8 August 2016 17:11

@14 It was a terrible joke that I was compelled to make. Like a kid putting a fork into a light socket. I expected negative criticism. If you take it seriously, then that's offense to only you. This PC stuff sometimes goes too far. We should be able to make fun of one another in good fun without backlash. (Plus, I never said anything about incest. That's all you.)

rollingstone62 13

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Monday 8 August 2016 20:50

By phd do you mean post hole digger?

LyricaSilvan 29

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Monday 8 August 2016 9:51

I almost spat my drink out upon reading this FML. This is funnier than it should be.

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Monday 8 August 2016 10:16

I feel bad but for those of us who live in Virginia it's often just referred to as "Fake Virginia"

PhantomKitty 26

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Monday 8 August 2016 14:34

While on vacation, I've told people I'm from West Virginia. A lot of people don't realize that it's a state, apparently. A lot of people ask me, "Oh, so do you live anywhere near (Virginian city)? I have family there." No, no I don't. I even had one person get extremely confused and ask me, "But isn't that the western part of Virginia?" Again, no.

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Monday 8 August 2016 19:39

More like Best Virginia!

cek727 16

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Tuesday 9 August 2016 5:43

I've lived in Virginia (within 20 miles of the WV border) my entire life and this is the first time I have ever heard it called that. Sorry, but no. That's simply not true.

LyricaSilvan 29

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Wednesday 10 August 2016 18:19

I'd like to make a casual point here, 37. I have a friend who grew up believing that dandelions, in their flower form and in white, puffy seed form, were two entirely different plants because no one had ever told her they were the same. This same friend also claims to have heard "many" people use very strange pronunciations of common words, claiming she's learned those are the normal ways of saying the words in question. The point being that just because you have heard or not heard someone say something, that doesn't mean it is or is not true, respectively.

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Monday 8 August 2016 10:29

Oh great, now I have that damn John Denver song stuck in my head!

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Monday 8 August 2016 12:02

Did anybody else read it as "Virgin bit to the left ear" ?

PhantomKitty 26

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Tuesday 9 August 2016 4:47

No.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 128

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 638