By lbailey32 - United States - Seneca Falls Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML I agree, your life sucks 42193 You deserved it 4446 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unsanitary - United Kingdom Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 50328 You deserved it 11023 445 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML I agree, your life sucks 32402 You deserved it 3700 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mdg - United States - North Windham Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 7858 You deserved it 30686 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML I agree, your life sucks 31878 You deserved it 6376 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TrolleyCollector - Australia - Seymour Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML I agree, your life sucks 14098 You deserved it 1980 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Manchester Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 11736 You deserved it 1267 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML I agree, your life sucks 3728 You deserved it 326 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 12970 You deserved it 1466 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DaoOfPow - United States - Danbury Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML I agree, your life sucks 31182 You deserved it 3207 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Burnley Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML I agree, your life sucks 35648 You deserved it 4886 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtf dad - United States - Saint Charles Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 40308 You deserved it 3291 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kelsiiii - 11/3/2020 03:00 Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML I agree, your life sucks 687 You deserved it 1953 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hellohaileyexoh - United States Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 72961 You deserved it 5885 306 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Macungie Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML I agree, your life sucks 36757 You deserved it 3136 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chippewa Falls Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 22945 You deserved it 3928 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jemstuff - United States Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 43025 You deserved it 6556 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 17:00 Outdoorsy romance Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML I agree, your life sucks 1647 You deserved it 643 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Danicole927 - United States - Trenton Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML I agree, your life sucks 7867 You deserved it 728 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sharkgirl4 - United States - Rialto Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML I agree, your life sucks 43975 You deserved it 4364 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML I agree, your life sucks 11739 You deserved it 31255 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KayEffEh - Canada - Georgetown Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML I agree, your life sucks 38143 You deserved it 3430 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eat my fucking ass, boss - Australia - Melbourne Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML I agree, your life sucks 45340 You deserved it 3256 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PissyPants - United States Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 45142 You deserved it 29278 292 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By j_portal - United States - Carlstadt Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 32768 You deserved it 5520 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By benoit - France Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML I agree, your life sucks 18030 You deserved it 33626 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML I agree, your life sucks 24463 You deserved it 4341 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By disboydanielx Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2492 You deserved it 211 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HungerStrike - Czech Republic - Hostivice Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML I agree, your life sucks 41084 You deserved it 3551 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jumja - Netherlands Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 35114 You deserved it 5691 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cloquet Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 23189 You deserved it 1549 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aldfgadfklbg - United States Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML I agree, your life sucks 49048 You deserved it 3112 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Seattle Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 28663 You deserved it 3904 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rackman007 - United States Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML I agree, your life sucks 9246 You deserved it 91743 241 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AgentRarity Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML I agree, your life sucks 50616 You deserved it 7817 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RBergman - United States - Basin Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 43543 You deserved it 3329 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Samaritan - United Kingdom Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML I agree, your life sucks 35615 You deserved it 2983 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 14:00 - Austria - Graz Debate bro Today, I realized my boyfriend never argues with me when I'm right, but goes to great lengths when I'm not. As a result, in the five years we've been together, he has won every single argument we ever had. FML I agree, your life sucks 277 You deserved it 1637 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clubber - Switzerland Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML I agree, your life sucks 61214 You deserved it 9008 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML I agree, your life sucks 29555 You deserved it 6288 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsohot - United States Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML I agree, your life sucks 38649 You deserved it 4227 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ray_of_midnight | 22 #5848200 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:50 He might have kleptomania, but that's OK. He can always take something for it. Send a private message 106 1 Reply
By frozen92_fml | 12 #5848196 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:48 Watch out or he'll steal your heart. Send a private message 100 4 Reply
By kyle4955 | 12 #5848191 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:47 Well at least you got a drink Send a private message 64 3 Reply
Reply caohm | 18 #5848218 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:00 well it looks like he really put you in a hot spot lol amiright guys??.........guys? Send a private message 10 37 Reply
Reply Vagitarian1 | 10 #5848299 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 8:02 You got a real keeper there. Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By Mooish | 18 #5848192 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:47 He could be stealing children. Send a private message 59 7 Reply
Reply PIGaming | 21 #5848224 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:05 Well that escalated quickly... Send a private message 9 9 Reply
Reply cryssycakesx3 | 22 #5848280 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 7:29 no. it didn't. Send a private message 2 13 Reply
Reply wcc7777777 | 5 #5848423 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 13:58 I for one, unlike the other responses, realized this was a joke. Props to you #12 Send a private message 0 4 Reply
By ashingtondc | 3 #5848194 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:47 Did he steal your frappuccino? Send a private message 3 22 Reply
By Dt33345 | 13 #5848195 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:48 What could you steal from Starbucks? Send a private message 63 6 Reply
Reply sourgirl101 | 28 #5848220 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:01 CDs, coffee mugs, those yummy black & white cookies etc... Send a private message 30 0 Reply
Reply SpicyDuck | 22 #5848221 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:01 Mugs, coffee, all the stuff on display Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply joea21 | 21 #5848223 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:05 What couldn't you steal from Starbucks? That place is a euphoria of stuff to steal for hipsters Send a private message 11 21 Reply
Reply AnOriginalName | 19 #5848293 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 7:57 Well it would be fairly easy to go up to the counter and take someone else's drink before they can grab it.... Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply botanistjessica | 24 #5848489 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 16:08 Euphoria isn't a place. Therefore you cannot go to a euphoria. However, you can be euphoric. Send a private message 13 1 Reply
Reply joea21 | 21 #5849160 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 7:19 I wasn't saying it was a place, I was saying there's so much useless crap for hipsters that creates a euphoria for them. Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By frozen92_fml | 12 #5848196 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:48 Watch out or he'll steal your heart. Send a private message 100 4 Reply
Reply Palirose | 22 #5848197 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:48 Smooth. Lol Send a private message 27 1 Reply
Reply DaMann360 | 19 #5848204 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:51 He already did because he's OPs boyfriend Send a private message 16 4 Reply
Reply ethancano | 11 #5848382 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 11:35 Badum-tssss Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By randymontegut | 5 #5848199 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:50 So... What did he get at Starbucks? Send a private message 11 3 Reply
By Ray_of_midnight | 22 #5848200 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:50 He might have kleptomania, but that's OK. He can always take something for it. Send a private message 106 1 Reply
Reply DaMann360 | 19 #5848208 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:53 Da dum, tsssss Send a private message 37 2 Reply
Reply Godsofdracos | 15 #5848211 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:54 If that was a hidden pun... Well played. Send a private message 2 27 Reply
Reply murythawn | 13 #5848214 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:56 That comment was as smooth as the skin on Terry Crews' pecs. Send a private message 26 5 Reply
Reply cryssycakesx3 | 22 #5848275 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 7:22 and older than Betty white Send a private message 4 23 Reply
By murythawn | 13 #5848201 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:50 Well he is woefully misinformed about what is acceptable. I'm having a hard time thinking of when this would be a good idea. Send a private message 10 4 Reply
By randymontegut | 5 #5848202 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:51 This is one of those FMLs you can't deserve. Send a private message 26 3 Reply
Reply Godsofdracos | 15 #5848213 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:55 31 people and counting disagree unfortunately. Cold hearted creatures they are :c Send a private message 7 12 Reply
By VampOfSavannah | 31 #5848205 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 5:51 Be careful, shoplifting often leads to much serious crimes... Maybe even murder. Send a private message 4 34 Reply
Reply buttcramp | 21 #5848237 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:19 you need to lay off TV Send a private message 6 10 Reply
Reply VampOfSavannah | 31 #5848240 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 6:20 You need to learn sarcasm. Send a private message 1 23 Reply
Reply thejewishfuhrer | 17 #5848289 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 7:45 I think you need to learn sarcasm....considering the "sarcastic" comments you make. Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply buttcramp | 21 #5848315 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 8:16 apparently I wasn't the only person who thought you were being serious, with all those down votes.. sorry it went over my head. Send a private message 7 0 Reply
Reply StompinOnCrayons | 15 #5848815 - Tuesday 4 February 2014 23:16 This sounds like one of those anti - pirating adverts. "You wouldn't steal a car, so why steal a movie " , " Stealing a baby is a criminal offence and so is stealing a movie and watching it for free " Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there... I agree, your life sucks 312 You deserved it 20 2 Comments
Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML I agree, your life sucks 394 You deserved it 38 3 Comments