By in love with a nerd - 2/9/2019 15:01 - United States

Lrn 2 Read

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

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Love

No one likes a smart-ass

Age ain't nothing but a number

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By wellthisisawkward80 - 6/11/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34481

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

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24637

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2538

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By nocat6 - 15/9/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

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39036

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By foreveralone - 13/1/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57065

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 06:34 - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25957

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By CastAway - 24/5/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48523

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By Shampoodle - 11/10/2017 21:45

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3253

You deserved it

377

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By fmlprobot - 4/6/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46156

You deserved it

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By Water Daughter - 13/10/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44085

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By ohyey - 29/1/2011 01:50 - Norway

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex any more. FML

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33036

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By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/9/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26446

You deserved it

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By Username - 3/2/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41799

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

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2160

You deserved it

141

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By Heggs - 31/10/2018 17:30

Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML

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3843

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179

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By divorced - 19/8/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63580

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11824

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47642

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By dumb mother - 31/1/2012 02:34 - United States

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm and cause cancer. FML

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24902

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5043

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32961

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By doctorsandnurses - 13/1/2012 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33553

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By HWS - 15/4/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

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35169

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 05:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37294

You deserved it

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By worstaunty - 4/3/2020 18:01 - United States - Boca Raton

That'll do

Today, I had to pick my 2 year-old nephew up from day care for the first time. When the lady asked me who I was there to pick up, I realized I didn't know his actual name because we all call him "Bebe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

574

You deserved it

1743

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By pinks - 2/9/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

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37879

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 15:44 - Romania

Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's nuts completely. FML

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33700

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37543

You deserved it

8704

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By julia - 1/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42265

You deserved it

3907

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43022

You deserved it

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By Aether - 3/6/2014 22:51 - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39444

You deserved it

4733

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2017 08:00 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3818

You deserved it

573

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By LC - 3/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42315

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2017 08:28

Salad days

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

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8480

You deserved it

748

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By pizzafaceinc - 2/3/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26617

You deserved it

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By KillMeNow - 6/6/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

105001

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2014 19:23 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41761

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16986

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1210

You deserved it

786

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By SoccerBabe42 - 26/12/2011 12:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

27835

You deserved it

3195

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1364

You deserved it

222

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By nolongerengaged - 3/2/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

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77634

You deserved it

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Top comments

By acmariner99 | 23

#7839202 - Monday 2 September 2019 22:56

There is so much missing here. Wouldn’t want to jump to conclusions due to the lack of information.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839228 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:59

Sounds like the word "boy" exactly suits his maturity level. Time to trade up to an SO, OP!

Comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7839195 - Monday 2 September 2019 22:27

Don't date the illiterate.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7839202 - Monday 2 September 2019 22:56

There is so much missing here. Wouldn’t want to jump to conclusions due to the lack of information.

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839230 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:01

Or you could simply trust in the OP....

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839228 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:59

Sounds like the word "boy" exactly suits his maturity level. Time to trade up to an SO, OP!

By TomeDr | 21

#7839255 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 3:00

Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.

By WeirdUS | 29

#7839418 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 22:19

Lot of info missing. This really couldn't be anymore vauge unless the fml simply stated something happened..

By AmbrosiaFan | 17

#7839432 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 23:20

What was the misread text?

By ZealousR47 | 4

#7839438 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 23:43

This is vague, there's two sides to every story.