Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML
Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML
Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML
Today, while my partner usually has their work mic muted, I went in and complained about my period. Turns out today was the one day they didn't have it muted. Their whole team heard, and I used to work with some of them. FML
Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML
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Top comments
myeverydaymylife 21
That obnoxious screaming child sound must be directly proportional to how everyone is feeling on the inside during the rants hahaha
patrickeli 15
Hearing the painful scream of a baby is a good way to scare you into taking your birth control on time, though. Creative.
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Comments (45)
sarah2144 14
That's actually a great idea for remembering to take your birth control on time, though. Might have to try that.
underthesea12 24
Well good thing you are on the pill. you don't ant to be unemployed and pregnant.
dispwned 8
While that sucks, OP, I love your sense of humor XD
jlujan00_fml 9
Genius ringtone though
krumpus 1
Never tell your coworkers that it wasn't timed to your boss' speech. You will be a hero.
sz632 5
That sounds ******* awesome!