By patate - 21/09/2017 21:02

Today, I started my new job as a UPS delivery guy. I successfully delivered only 3 out of the 25 packages: One to my ex and his new boyfriend, one to an elderly lady who pissed herself because I "rang the bell too loud" and one to a little girl who screamed, "Stranger danger!" FML
I agree, your life sucks 4 666
You deserved it 424

patate_fml tells us more.

For everyone wondering, I work in a tiny ass town in France where we don't have much delivery to make compare to others and I had the smallest car of the fleet that day I had 3 rounds of 25-30 medium packages to deliver all of them with a mandatory signature. Nobody was home even though I was in time for each and everyone of them. Only this first round was Horrible the rest of the day (and the week) went more smoothly

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Three out of twenty five delivered? Don't worry, you won't be a delivery driver for long.

What happened to the other packages?

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Three out of twenty five delivered? Don't worry, you won't be a delivery driver for long.

I don’t think they fire you if people aren’t at home when you try to make a delivery.

I don't know. my brother works for UPS and after 2 years of filling the trucks he became a driver (which is something that usually takes 10 years) and he delivers over 150 packages a day.

Most of the time the delivery guys leave the packages on the door step

No, often people use UPS, FedEx, etc. because you can get a service where someone has to sign for a package to complete the delivery.

Not always. I've had FedEx and UPS drop off packages when no one was home or if I didn't answer the door.

That's only with some packages. I've had plenty of packages delivered to my house without any signature.

You don't know what you're talking about. What business could run like that? Don't argue the toss when you're going on a hunch.

UPS and FedEx require signatures upon delivery unless they are marked no signature needed. I've known people that have had to go pick up their pack from the warehouse because they missed the delivery. I am never home during the day so I have to go online and give authorization for my packages to be dropped off using my electronic waive of signature with each delivery I am expecting.

well hey, at least they don't get your expectacions up, before brutally slamming them into the ground...

What happened to the other packages?

It seems that your 22 no-shows were the real successes of your day. Looks like you ex is getting more packages than you can deliver. Is that why he’s your ex?

If that was indeed the ex's issue this wouldn't be an FML. The delivery would be a perfect segue to a fantasy 3-way with the UPS guy. Don't we all fantasize about the UPS guy?!

I don't because I'm a straight guy. The dudes in the story are all gay, and I don't know the etiquette of a 3-dude three-way.

Having worked UPS before, the drivers usually deliver way more than 25 packages a day, and if you only did 3 you'll not be there long.

It sounds like you're doing residential deliveries... And If that's the case, you'll eventually be expected to deliver 25 in an hour. So... You might not have time to worry about these things in the future.

I hope you're not the type who minced about and spends most of his time being "fabulous" instead of delivering parcels. Otherwise you won't last long!

Minces***

The strangest danger of them all is pissing yourself in front of an ex. Thank God all these encounters were seperate...

Not the job for you it seems. No idea how you managed that or what you actually did for the day. Makes me mad just reading it.

Remember when FML used to care about proper grammar? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Too* loud.