Miscellaneous: Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate...

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 18:46 - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 2 777

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Get me out of here

Perish the thought

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 959

You deserved it 5 977

By sucks - 05/01/2011 07:41 - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 744

You deserved it 34 486

You tried

By LostAlice - 28/03/2021 17:01

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 66

Catching my breath

By Hamish - 22/07/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an asthma attack while walking home with my friends. As I was struggling to breathe, they thought I was attention-seeking and left me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 81

By screwedhousemate - 28/03/2011 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 848

You deserved it 4 259

By Angela - 04/01/2012 19:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 5 564

By DisturbedMan - 15/01/2014 22:29 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 965

You deserved it 5 912

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 229

You deserved it 8 314

Helicopter

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 78

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 294

By Paul - 02/05/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 964

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 07:55 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 599

You deserved it 4 554

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 6 937

Furry

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 17:00

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 483

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 842

You deserved it 4 487

By NathanA - 08/07/2013 23:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 238

You deserved it 2 832

By insultedguy - 03/01/2011 17:28 - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 216

You deserved it 4 407

By loon - 28/10/2008 11:13 - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 711

You deserved it 9 721

By Mom - 25/07/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 805

You deserved it 26 165

By CollegeGrad - 25/04/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 694

You deserved it 16 905

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 519

You deserved it 21 092

By WrongPlaceWrongTime - 25/06/2016 18:51 - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 227

You deserved it 807

And yet you have phone? Curious Andy

By Nostalgia - 08/09/2021 20:01

Today, I packed up to get ready to move to my boyfriend’s. I just graduated high school and I don’t get along with his mom, but I have no other choice of living. I was supposed to move in with his family tomorrow but now his mom won’t let me. It was last minute, and I’m basically homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 242

By pat3212 - 11/08/2016 22:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to get two teenagers to stop playing bumper cars with the electric scooters at the grocery store I work at. I'm seventeen, and they don't pay me enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 398

You deserved it 1 333

Official meeting

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 18:33

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 192

By anonymous - 05/09/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 919

You deserved it 3 575

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 07:56 - United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 017

You deserved it 4 252

By bull-stuff - 18/01/2013 03:48 - United States - Columbia

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 400

You deserved it 2 492

By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 326

You deserved it 58 443

Miscommunication

By embarrassed - 21/07/2021 01:59 - United States

Today, I saw a really cute guy in the grocery store. We made eye contact a few times and I was trying to work up the nerve to start a conversation. Instead, he screamed, "Yes, I know I’m fat, bitch. You don’t have to stare!” I got so many dirty looks I left immediately. I didn’t think he was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 82

By icyrebel25 - 12/11/2013 23:57 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 886

You deserved it 5 221

By Anonymous - 18/08/2013 20:13 - Germany - Koblenz

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 046

You deserved it 16 874

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 07:09 - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 339

You deserved it 3 486

By anonymous - 30/10/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 587

You deserved it 3 971

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 542

You deserved it 2 108

Daddy's girl

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 14:00 - Guam

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, a month after I'd proposed and she'd said yes. When asked why all of the sudden, she said her family disapproved of me, and I wasn't worth fighting for and potentially losing her father's love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 110

By no one - 19/06/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 10 878

By Binks - 23/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 867

You deserved it 230

By PISSED - 07/11/2009 11:58 - Germany

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 116

You deserved it 5 169

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 5 725

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lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:35

Wow your Spanish teacher is an ass...

AnalAssassin1 14

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:31

If only it was that easy.

Ohshitdude 21

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:24

Now prove them wrong by befriending all of them and graduating at the top of your class.

AnalAssassin1 14

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:31

If only it was that easy.

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Saturday 13 December 2014 10:09

Easier said than done, #1

aimzskee 30

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Saturday 13 December 2014 12:45

How do you know Mark isn't already? They could be giving him weird looks simply because his name is in the test.

teentee401 36

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Saturday 13 December 2014 14:25

Yeah, but people's names show up on tests all of time. So why look at him weirdly just for that?

foxyhasmybooty 16

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Saturday 13 December 2014 19:12

Because plot twist he actually is and doesn't do his work so that's why the teacher put that in there

raffcity 7

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Sunday 14 December 2014 14:58

No bueno

Aquaman911 18

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:25

I would have skipped the question and not talked to them after the exam.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:35

You'd skip a question in an important exam because it had your name in it?

GoldFishPony 21

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Saturday 13 December 2014 10:35

Also, that wouldn't help the antisocial statement

DArthurVaderian 18

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Saturday 13 December 2014 12:09

Or the lazy one

ThePols 11

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Saturday 13 December 2014 16:52

Haha or you could just not be a fucking child about.

Aquaman911 18

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Saturday 13 December 2014 17:22

I guess DocBastard was right, the FML community has lost it's sense of humour...

asiakvt 10

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:29

Not that big of a deal lol.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:31

Could have been a big deal if the examiners were getting suspicious

orbit 22

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Saturday 13 December 2014 14:47

Es muy mal

wanted_2_want 40

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Saturday 13 December 2014 15:46

I'm sure you meant "está muy mal" 29.

lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:35

Wow your Spanish teacher is an ass...

Kqzza 13

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Monday 23 January 2017 5:10

Wow tu profesor de español es un culo*

lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:38

Don't pay any mind to them OP you aren't defined by a stupid test question.

sweetbliss3 37

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:39

it's a test. if not your name it'd be someone else's. get over it.

seninaa 27

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:49

It's not like Mark is an uncommon name... Though this is funny if you actually are lazy and antisocial ;)

qdawg06 23

Saturday 13 December 2014 9:55

Having your name on the tests is still pretty cool tbh.

SauceySarah 30

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Saturday 13 December 2014 9:59

But it's always fun to have your name be on a test or in a word problem no matter what the situation is.

fabulouskenaz 6

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Saturday 13 December 2014 20:39

this never happens to me because I have a weird name

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Saturday 13 December 2014 10:10

Prove them wrong by nailing the question.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 430

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 183

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