Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML
Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
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Top comments
andiewithlove 21
She does, however, have dangerously high levels of bitch.
Steve95401 49
I remember an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" where someone was treated for that condition.
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Comments (70)
mgrabi01 10
What a biscotch! Seriously that is messed up.
Evolving_Squid 15
Sounds like your subordinate should be fired for being an ass. You should be suspended for being irresponsible. Think of it as a learning experience, and be thankful you're not the one who needs the dick. I wouldn't sign a form from my employees if I couldn't read it. My bunch would pick up on that pretty quickly, and they'd be going for more than just some time off.
schalk 12
Why hasn't anybody commented on how childish and messed the boss is? I mean, it's entrapment. She deliberately wrote that (or lied about the content) and she couldn't have gone her entire life without someone commenting on her scribbles. I smell a lawsuit and suspension. Then again... it could've been code that she wanted some *** damn dick.
Goddamnidiots 12
Because it wasn't the OP's boss who wrote up the request, it was one of OP's subordinates.
m3lyc 18
Sounds like something a UK supermarket chain called Morrisons would do.....
lowshadows 21
take one by mouth as needed and call back in a week lmao!