Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML
Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
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Top comments
andiewithlove 21
She does, however, have dangerously high levels of bitch.
Steve95401 49
I remember an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" where someone was treated for that condition.
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Comments (70)
hazardmuffin 21
Why were you even embarrassed? Maybe she ought to have been embarrassed about having illegible handwriting.
cartedor 18
Too funny. "dangerously low levels" haha. Honestly, I couldn't even guess what it was suppose to say....
MyCommentsSuck 21
When you're low, you're low. And we just can't let that stay that way, can we men?
lambda_fml 40
OR it could have been a sign for him, but he just took it literally.
lambda_fml 40
You should have helped her with it OP.
1zar1 10
Sounds like your coworker should train to be a doctor.
zolziski 11
My apologies if someone else has said this already, but I'm wondering why the OP was embarrassed she couldn't read the co-worker's handwriting? Surely it's the co-worker that should feel embarrassed that their handwriting is that bad, right?
zolziski 11
He*
davek 36
Dafuq? Also, I've got a prescription for that...
R3DA55 6
Sounds like the employee needs an HBI to cure that condition! (Hot Beef Injection)
ninjacow123 6
What did the scout say about how many times this person deserved it? It is over 9000!!