Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML
Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML
Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML
Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML
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Top comments
TomeDr 25
You don’t have to be driving to be arrested for being drunk in public.
tiptoppc 21
I just do the ZYX’s (which I know) to blow their minds
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Comments (4)
TomeDr 25
You don’t have to be driving to be arrested for being drunk in public.
IceTrees 15
sounds like what a p*d0philic big bird would say. :| I would've put you in jail as well
BurnInDemonFire 39
The hell are you on about?
tiptoppc 21
I just do the ZYX’s (which I know) to blow their minds
BurnInDemonFire 39
OP... that's pathetic.