Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/8/2014 18:11 - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

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Rock, hard place

Goodbye Bill

Live dumping

By spideypowers - 5/9/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

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By dieders - 12/12/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

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By waterspike - 29/1/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

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By Stinkycar - 5/6/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

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By FattyMcFatterson - 24/6/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

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By cortanaisahobot - 19/7/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Hot and… greasy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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By replaced - 22/2/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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By CBBP - 31/3/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

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By Sam - 1/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

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By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

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By shampoogirl - 26/8/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

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By George Saunders - 21/3/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

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By imcold - 30/12/2013 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

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By fuck - 13/7/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

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By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

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By naas1201 - 10/5/2020 23:00

It's not working

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

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By impishsamaritan - 7/9/2019 22:00

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

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By LonelyBoy - 16/3/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

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By Wow. Really? - 29/4/2013 18:07 - United States - Columbus

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

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By Sallyfromtheseashore - 1/7/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

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By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

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By allergyssuck - 5/7/2018 20:30

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I am allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I am allergic to it too. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 15:33

Today, I fell asleep while watching a movie. My puppy took this opportunity to help himself to half a gallon of vegetable oil. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2014 00:52 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

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By fiat850 - 9/5/2020 17:00

Messy

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

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By yamblam5 - 29/5/2016 03:32 - United States - Monroe

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

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By Anon - 12/2/2012 03:01 - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2010 10:17 - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2011 09:25 - Monaco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

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By you fucking idiot - 19/12/2013 17:20 - United States - Union

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

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By highschoolsucks - 5/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2012 14:22 - United States

Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML

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Top comments

By cjwayy | 22

#6049199 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:10

Hahaha. What a pathetic excuse. Can't believe it actually worked. A "phobia of working on weekends". Dear god

By xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6049204 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:11

I honestly cannot understand some bosses logics.

COMMENTS

By leopardwilliam | 22

#6049189 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:08

Gotta respect those phobias. Real or otherwise

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6049242 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:21

yeah but what even would you call that one? weekaphobia? endaphobia? shittyexcuseaphobia?

Reply

leopardwilliam | 22

#6049245 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:22

I don't think it'd be shittyexcuseaphobia because then he'd be afraid of a shitty excuse which is clearly not the case here

By cjwayy | 22

#6049199 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:10

Hahaha. What a pathetic excuse. Can't believe it actually worked. A "phobia of working on weekends". Dear god

By RhineBl | 17

#6049201 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:11

Oh, wow.

By xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6049204 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:11

I honestly cannot understand some bosses logics.

Reply

Rainhawk94 | 27

#6049222 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:15

They pick favorites

Reply

nubbles10 | 13

#6049886 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 22:28

The boss probably didn't wanna be in hot water about making a guy do something he claimed to have a phobia for.

By missraquel180 | 4

#6049216 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:15

It's a real thing! Don't discriminate!

By supersquirel500 | 10

#6049219 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:15

Your boss is a real jerk. One reason he is probably treating you this way is because he may be getting down to his last few people to ask and all of them have said no. So he may feel he needs to pressure you into the job.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6049497 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 14:28

If he was really pressured he wouldn't have let the phobia guy go.

By Wilffe56 | 9

#6049221 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:15

Maybe the "I have the weekend planned being with my kids" is a phrase he hears amongst the lazy at your job.

Again I say, I am terrible at commenting in my opinion.

Reply

BassinBoy14 | 13

#6049247 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:23

If you say you're terrible at commenting at the end of every comment, you should probably just keep to yourself..

Reply

leopardwilliam | 22

#6049248 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:24

Saying you're terrible at commenting doesn't give you sympathy it makes people want to thumb you down more

Reply

GentlemanBastard | 15

#6049265 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:34

Don't worry, #7, you'll get better at commenting. Just don't say stupid stuff that nobody wants to hear :)

Reply

Marie54321 | 19

#6049291 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:48

#21 It's too late for that

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6049320 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 6:31

No one cares if you're good at commenting or not.

Reply

mackdeezy | 21

#6049331 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 7:05

#7 even the best commenters here get thumbed down to hell once in the FML life.

Reply

Phooey | 22

#6049369 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 8:17

I'm already annoyed by you #7.

Reply

tashtkt | 9

#6049494 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 14:24

This is the third time I've seen you being all"my comment sucks!". What do you want to hear?

Reply

mack3427 | 5

#6058896 - Sunday 7 September 2014 6:45

I think she should comment what she wants to, not what others want to hear

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#6049224 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:16

I get the feeling your boss doesn't like you for some reason... Sorry you have to deal with a boss like that, but enjoy your weekend. =)

By Rizzen | 27

#6049225 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:16

thay boss is such an ass, I really wonder how peopld like that come to power

By alannataylor013 | 2

#6049226 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:16

Sounds like my life right there -_-