Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML
Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old niece, who rudely but cutely asked me why my nose is so big. Trying to make light of it, I told her, "It's because I lie a lot, just like Pinocchio." Now she won’t stop asking who I lied to and told my sister and her husband that I’m a "bad guy." FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
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Top comments
MadaZer0 8
Hey at least your liked.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
That's why I like you around, too :) *Steals chicken wing from underneath OP's fat rolls.*
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Comments (95)
Srip 0
ew! WASH more often :( even if you eat fried chicken you don't need to smell like it
chikiitaaa 0
@4. so only black ppl can call each other niggers? right ... cuz a black person saying it to another makes it ok.. this is stupid.
XDNurse 0
#24 in America it's more socially acceptable in the African American community if another person of your race calls you that... idk why just is... where I come from (Jamaica) call anyone that and offense will be taken so idk... culture thing I guess...
danggitserinn201 0
amen. they wanna call us all kinda shit but we call them that and it's ****** ww3. smh.. ppl these days! why can't we all just love? (:
XDNurse 0
rofflmfao #14
MadaZer0 8
Predixxx... Would you marry me?
cracktus 0
I feel bad for you OP but you need to shower more.
chikiitaaa 0
yea I guess it is. pretty dumb tho. and ppl want racism to stop n ppl want to be treated equally yet in some parts of the world is ok to do and say stuff like this.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
Have a shower you pig.
idoc300 11
Are you a ******* alien?
SomeonesGoneDie 0
My name is shanaynay, and if y'all gone make all dose racist ass steriotypes, imma bust a cap in yo ass! (Shanaynay is a character owned by Shane Dawson and I do not in any way intend to steal his shit)
HanaxD 0
Lol. xD "I really like it when you're around. You're so squishy *touches* and you smell like fried checked ALL the time. Do you taste like checked too? *bites*"
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Nah. If you were Shanaynay you would've mentioned finding a pubic hair in your food by now :/