Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML
Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old niece, who rudely but cutely asked me why my nose is so big. Trying to make light of it, I told her, "It's because I lie a lot, just like Pinocchio." Now she won’t stop asking who I lied to and told my sister and her husband that I’m a "bad guy." FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
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Top comments
MadaZer0 8
Hey at least your liked.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
That's why I like you around, too :) *Steals chicken wing from underneath OP's fat rolls.*
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Comments (95)
happybillie 0
that's awful!D:
Macromartyr 3
LMFAO op is blaaaaaaack
Kasevam 0
If you're squishy and always smell like fried chicken, it's probably because you eat a crapload of fried chicken. If not, I'd suggest going to a doctor.
fusebox 0
* Muay Thai.
streetllama 4
Dat sounds like a fat black lady
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Normally I'd say FYL for being "squishy", but in this case YDI for smelling like fried chicken. Seriously, don't you bathe?
tatertot33 8
R u black?
laya_fml 26
I thought this was mildly funny..... And then I saw it was from Georgia and thought it was hilarious. (Sorry to all you Georgians out there. I know I sound like an asshole.)
ashleyylove3 22
Maybe you should try to be less squishy. Start by not eating fried chicken
TheScholtens 15
Little kids don't lie...