Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
redbluegreen 40
I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.
crescent_indigo 0
spiked cup would be win-win situation
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (291)
Luckster 0
If he does, you can report him for domestic abuse. Keep your phone ready for that important call.
Finnboghi 0
And you're the reason I don't care when someone cries abuse. He's not doing it to assert dominance or to abuse his son, he's doing it as a joke and to help his son with his reflexes. Of course, I'm more of the school of "think ahead - wear a cast-iron cup".
Luckster 0
If the father actually proceeds with his threat, then it's still abuse. It's especially worse if he really does get knocked in the nuts hard enough. There's a high chance he won't be able to have children in the future. ..... Now that I think about it, that might not be a bad thing.
zoolander423 3
Please, if only getting hit in the balls the world would be a lot better, and less crowded, place. It would take some serious incident to cause permanent damage. Besides, it sounds like his dad is joking around, and so I hardly think that this would constitute abuse.
lordmoe 0
it actually doesn't take much to have no chance of having kids. I know a guy who was kicked in the balls because a girl aimed for his backpack and missed, now he can't have kids.
mj2123 0
Of course he's doing it to assert dominance. And punching someone in the balls is pretty much never a joke. Honest to ******* God.
tko 0
i suppose you're against parents spanking their children, and every kid getting trophies in a "competition" u pussy ass bitch
Finnboghi 0
Wow. You have issues. If he's an ex-marine, he doesn't exactly need to prove that he's tough. Not everything every guy does is the assertion of feminist views on men. And when guys do it, it usually is a joke. If a girl does it, then she's probably being abusive.
VegasFML 0
LMAO
hiro777 0
stfu his dad is just improveing his reflexes its not domestic abuse you liberal retard
zip123 0
Haha! I LOVE your name!
Chasted 0
"Today, I hit my son in the nuts to improve his reflexes and now I'm in jail. Inconsiderate Basted FML."
null_fml 11
Basted? In his own juices, I presume?
Chasted 0
He has an accent
null_fml 11
Good sir, I do believe I've just been owned.
STVader 0
yup ur a noob or, as he'd say, a neb
girandwogpig 0
I pictured Joey from friends when I read that....
Tubasaurus 0
You should start randomly calling child protection services to "improve his reflexes".
_Noon_ 0
For sure!
InigoMontoya 0
Get a glock, load it with rubber bullets, and tell him you want to improve his pain tolerance.
wellinever 5
What's wrong with using live bullets? Warn him you'll start shooting without warning to improve his will to live a better life.
mndz_mkl 0
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
allmidnighteyes 10
**** Texas
NGM_47 0
**** YOU! Texas is awesome!
SeleneKoi 0
I agree! It is awesome!
shankzilla 0
take it like a man
RomulusV 0
dude that sucks but damn that is funny it happens to the best of us but not always dads sometimes it metal poles from stupid friends
PenNameHere 0
Take up a martial art. I do taekwondo and now my reflexes are so sensitive I flinch whenever someone jerks towards me like they're gonna hit me. It's gotten to the point where people ask if I'm abused.
mcdys 0
ufc is way better than taekwondo. its got taekwondo moves and much more
tko 0
you know that ufc is not a fighting style, right?
Baroness542 6
#29, I do that too. And I'm not in Martial Arts. I just have good reflexes. Either that or I just flinch wayy too much. Maybe both?
djk 0
ahahahahahah that is awesome. Maybe you shouldn't suck and have slow reflexes.