Intimacy: Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 755

You deserved it 5 631

Compromises

Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

Benched

By fmlprobot - 04/06/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 253

You deserved it 4 652

By cookiecutter8 - 06/11/2015 17:15 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 152

You deserved it 1 669

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 34 616

By GeesLouisee - 01/05/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 500

By adeeri - 04/09/2014 01:24 - United States - Jackson

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 242

You deserved it 3 212

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 79

By duuuuude - 17/04/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 896

You deserved it 23 233

By Anonymous - 09/11/2014 08:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 3 848

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 3 299

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Spicy

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 20 469

For what occasion

By Single Sally - 01/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me "a ring." Oh no, not an "engagement ring." He gave me a "ring to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 169

Open season

By Mapmouse - 27/01/2021 11:03

Today, I drove home to Las Vegas after being in quarantine in Los Angeles for two weeks. The lights were on and the lock was busted. My apartment is completely ransacked. Yay 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 67

By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/06/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 054

You deserved it 4 579

By misswhiskers - 28/02/2011 11:21 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 994

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 738

You deserved it 22 623

By waaah - 25/06/2012 07:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 342

You deserved it 2 727

By jan420 - 09/11/2012 22:03 - Norway - Moss

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 672

You deserved it 2 234

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 461

You deserved it 6 067

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 2 104

By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/02/2012 03:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 445

You deserved it 3 689

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 085

You deserved it 3 871

By Noname - 29/01/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 933

You deserved it 2 163

By imalosertho - 11/06/2014 01:01 - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 19 369

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 535

You deserved it 2 987

By those_allergies - 12/05/2013 05:20 - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 228

You deserved it 4 307

By Guess - 21/11/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 275

You deserved it 9 012

By whoops - 25/05/2014 21:23 - United States - Spring Hill

Spicy

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 916

You deserved it 10 159

By pda - 25/08/2013 02:46 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 055

You deserved it 4 678

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 2 301

So you had a bad day…

By That guy - 15/10/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 103

By freezingggg - 23/09/2011 14:33 - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 126

You deserved it 3 688

By GeeTwo - 21/02/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 531

You deserved it 3 051

By nalathelionqueen - 10/08/2012 22:44 - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 3 066

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 809

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 16:25 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 065

You deserved it 30 033

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 975

You deserved it 3 730

By katie_sadface - 15/10/2012 02:19 - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 215

You deserved it 2 982

Chewbacca goes surfing

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 18:00

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 425

Good morning!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if-" as he flung it around and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 742

You deserved it 175

By anonymous - 21/05/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 298

You deserved it 8 448

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:06

Did anyone answer?

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:12

They'll probably reply that you are not really young, but if you are still looking for "fun" . . .

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:06

Did anyone answer?

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:07

Hahahahaha that's kinda funny.

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:10

That would've been funny if anyone picked up the phone.

quaddrummer93 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:43

Only his boss wrote back but it looks like he's finally getting that promotion he wanted hahaha

ScaughtieHolden 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:26

18, How do you know? Are you his boss?

quaddrummer93 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:55

Obviously not. But could you imagine this from the other point of view. Today, my wife happened to have my phone and she got a message from a guy I work with saying he was looking for "fun" now she thinks I'm having an affair with a man FML.

TheManWithAnAK47 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 December 2010 1:26

yeah you should post that

Send a private message

Friday 24 December 2010 11:52

His boss, "You too?!" ^.^

Send a private message

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:21

awe when your boss finds out ur not gay it will crush him maybe things between him and ur son will work out

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:11

haha nice.

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 20:03

no you

Fuk_Your_Life 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 May 2011 0:21

Nice tits

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:12

They'll probably reply that you are not really young, but if you are still looking for "fun" . . .

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:33

To his 92 year old boss, he's young enough(;

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:42

Or, he will be fired for inappropriate use of company equipment.

unomo 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 December 2010 2:35

kill joy!

forgettingsunday 0

Send a private message

Monday 9 May 2011 21:51

my chemical romance fan or...? oh yeah it's the other killjoy.

dlas 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:17

never heard about pin codes

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:19

just message everyone back saying what happend

thelastavailable 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:19

Maybe he's trying to tell you something..

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:14

haha I thought the same thing

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:22

he made work a lot more "fun!" you should be thanking him for all the newfound attention you'll be receiving. though, you may or may not like it as much when you're offered a promotion if you perform a nice, long, slow striptease for your boss.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:35

Beware in the bathroom at work in case your "contacts" decide to plug in to you the gay way.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 December 2010 5:32

beware of bending over aswell

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:39

LOL! I know a 14 year old who will be grounded until he is 21 or moves out, whichever comes first...

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 23:46

If any of my kids did that, they be lucky if they get to enjoy any technology until 18 or move out

stronghand0331 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:40

Now that your randy gayness is out there, you're just going to have to sit on the pole and go along with it. Everyone knew the truth before the broadcast...

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 December 2010 19:41

LOL! Ouch!

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 101