Intimacy: Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages...

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 329

You deserved it 5 478

Intimacy

Stop talking!

Taking stock

All you need is hate

By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 869

You deserved it 1 003

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 3 477

By ryu1356 - 22/09/2015 13:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my company let me go after 3 months. A day before my wedding and with zero advance notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 299

You deserved it 1 585

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 16:48 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 363

You deserved it 4 026

By Peppermint - 17/03/2011 10:00 - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 314

You deserved it 5 340

By blower - 11/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 9 273

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 539

You deserved it 6 219

By Daria_Weiner - 18/07/2011 18:23 - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 420

You deserved it 48 521

By MissAggravared - 19/11/2014 08:27 - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 364

You deserved it 3 203

By only 10 more hours to go - 06/01/2012 11:40 - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 3 351

By JJLight - 27/05/2013 03:14 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 637

You deserved it 11 387

By Help - 13/08/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 21/09/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 205

You deserved it 6 548

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 08:29 - Australia - Perth

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 040

You deserved it 4 133

Backwards

By bad sis - 23/09/2019 05:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my family got very upset with me when I advised my brother’s girlfriend to take the kids and leave. They’re more upset with me telling her that, than the fact that my brother is an abusive serial cheater and a raging alcoholic, who hits her and the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 128

By ohshit - 07/03/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 702

You deserved it 5 637

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 131

By Egtat216 - 29/07/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 337

You deserved it 1 455

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 701

You deserved it 5 723

By srsly_what - 28/04/2011 23:13 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 538

You deserved it 3 497

By Coffee Boy - 23/06/2012 04:55 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 1 980

By anonymous - 07/04/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 923

You deserved it 7 262

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 00:17 - Israel

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 362

You deserved it 3 711

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 456

By stonehengeva - 27/07/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 1 745

By alex - 24/02/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 34 115

By aaaaahhhh - 06/04/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 767

You deserved it 7 506

By liz - 08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 535

You deserved it 2 580

By toosmall - 23/10/2016 21:27

Today I got a $60 parking ticket for not paying the $2.50 pay-to-park fee. I checked my bank records, which proved that I'd paid the fee, for the correct space too. The problem is the ticket is too small to contest in traffic court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 672

You deserved it 890

Where's my coffee?

By dinkley7 - 20/05/2021 11:00

Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at 1 in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 70

By anx133 - 16/01/2009 01:25 - China

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 456

You deserved it 6 648

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 135

You deserved it 3 320

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 628

You deserved it 10 263

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 984

You deserved it 7 985

Will you…

By why - 17/08/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 474

You deserved it 7 363

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 102

You deserved it 56 694

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By Jason McGinnis - 22/09/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 126

You deserved it 2 682

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 3 612

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 985

You deserved it 3 547

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Top comments

manb91uk 22

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Sunday 18 February 2018 1:57

And now you know that you are vastly more mature than the wee-wee woman whos womb you whee-wheed out of!

pinkwho 13

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Sunday 18 February 2018 1:59

This is why you use the "log out of all sessions" button.

manb91uk 22

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Sunday 18 February 2018 1:57

And now you know that you are vastly more mature than the wee-wee woman whos womb you whee-wheed out of!

pinkwho 13

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Sunday 18 February 2018 1:59

This is why you use the "log out of all sessions" button.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 18 February 2018 2:13

That sucks!

Herbert Blieweis 10

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Saturday 24 February 2018 13:18

No, she sucks - obviously.

Hi_Five 5

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Sunday 18 February 2018 4:09

I saw this days ago. Why is this happening?

ChakatBlackstar 29

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Sunday 18 February 2018 4:25

"It might be faster for us to list the places my mouth hasn't been on him."

Dave_Davington 33

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Sunday 18 February 2018 7:53

As long as it hasn't been on his poo poo, you should be fine.

bigdaddyeric 33

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Sunday 18 February 2018 7:55

What are you 6 years old ? Or is your Mother so inhibited about sex that she also says bum- bum and boobies?

Shabnam Moghal 14

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Sunday 18 February 2018 9:42

YDI. Who logs onto their messesnger from their moms phone?

HappyPickles 11

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Monday 19 February 2018 3:16

This is a difficult call: I really wanted to click "You Deserved It" because you published your own intimate texts to your mom's phone. But in the end I clicked "Yes, Your Life Sucks" because ... "your mouth has been on his wee wee..."