Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML
Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
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Top comments
RecklessJellyBea 7
Add more paint. Make it say "Scop Killam." Much less threatening.
Tuesdaythe10th 11
what a penis
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Comments (172)
khaya 9
If that doesn't catch the cop's attention then the dead cop's leg stuck out of your trunk should do it.
llCHR15ll 0
(excuse this gay comment but...) Awwww, I miss your old picture. :'-(
llCHR15ll 0
... your an absolute legend!! thankyou.
Boygenius50 8
Señor Cheng!
FeedMonkeyking 4
U mad bro?
angelsara91 0
no I'm sure he's thrilled. =
fadingfaith 4
He ain't even mad. :p
Yung23 0
lmfao
khaya 9
Yeah, he should cross that out and then write "cop killer".
XxbrokeNCYDExX 6
FYL
guckylynn 19
Because that wouldn't ruin the cars original paint or anything.
ThisGi 0
we just got pulled over and that's what the cop said "it's the holiday weekend and we are enforcing it even more"
YummiGummi 0
LOLLLLL :D watch out there cop killa
man_in_black08 28
cutiee:)^^
xxlauruh 0
23 - location: your pants? really? you look 12.
YummiGummi 0
ummm nope, I'm guessing your a virgin??? :P
jannie22 0
stfu 69! btw great number tho... hehehe :) **** all te hatred 51 and 23 tho
tree07 1
#69 are you blind!? she def doesnt look 12!
Cjeezy 0
obviously he wouldn't be blind because then he wouldn't have been able to read her location then state his opinion of how old she looks.. just sayin.
richboii 0
well i guess your only option now is to kill a cop... you know, unless you want your car to be spreading LIES.
aeshleyrose 6
Oh my god, I lol'd alone in my house like a psychopath. Brilliant.
OCDC 9
Are you by chance gayboii's (smarter, funnier) twin brother?
CuddieRyan 0
it's also my birthday :D idk why my profile thing says the 24th... I keep putting 28th and it keeps putting it wrong :/
FreebirdIII 1
My date of birth is 7-16-2105 and it will not let me change it. I will be younger than you forever!!
zeta24 0
@18 nothin better than nwa to fend away the cops. i especially recommend the song "**** the police". haha somebody say win
dgr8ing 0
WIN!!!
slightlypyro1996 4
fail^
FreebirdIII 1
epic fail