Miscellaneous: Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking...

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 789

You deserved it 3 902

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Same thing different taste

By RequilaRainbow - 26/01/2012 07:34 - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 4 326

By SpongeAbii2 - 24/01/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 759

You deserved it 2 961

By Raw95 - 15/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 887

You deserved it 24 578

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 8 184

By mjperfetti84 - 22/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 484

You deserved it 6 178

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 6 820

Drive by shooting

By justicewargrave - 16/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 88

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 19:00 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 319

You deserved it 4 540

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 467

You deserved it 12 785

By that's methed up, darling - 16/08/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 864

You deserved it 6 076

KikuHonda 3

Friday 21 August 2009 12:09

o__________o what a creep.

FreddyLunch 0

Friday 21 August 2009 12:08

You just got Fritzel'd

Comments

judy89 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 20:37

wtf? either he's the funniest old man ever, or the creepiest...

understory 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:43

I want to be this guy when I get old.

unhacked21 0

Friday 28 August 2009 9:47

OMG!!! I TOTALLY JUST THOUGHT OF HERBERT THE PERVERT FROM FAMILY GUY!!!!

helpmeiamblind 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 3:13

This is one of my favourite FMLs ever! OMG you have to be joking. And yes, I also thought of Herbert.

RaverYusuke 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 0:06

Man, this shit happens to me at work almost every day... And I work at a Burger King. >

cottonGIN 0

Friday 4 September 2009 8:22

Wait my grandpa was at a burgerking without me?

coopcake 0

Monday 14 September 2009 16:36

best comment ever

hmnij 0

Monday 7 September 2009 0:42

ohho my god. fyl

Blainers_fml 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 10:01

I live in North Dakota.. What town do you live in.. Thats F'd Up

cutiepie87 0

Sunday 4 October 2009 2:39

That makes me a sad panda!!

poopinator 0

Tuesday 6 October 2009 10:19

When I'm old, alone, and waiting to die, I'll aspire to be every bit as weird and pervy as that guy. And wear nice sweaters.

Keywords

Clumsy Accident Health Relatable Periods Airport Vacation Food Embarrassing Cats Work Zoom Animals Parents My ex Awkward Love Kids DIY Plumbing Miscellaneous Transportation Clothes Fire Bodyshaming Break-ups AITA Relationship advice Ironic Cute

The Top

Today, I found my husband on a dating app and I was gonna kick his ass, until I realised that would mean admitting I’m on the same app, so I deleted mine but now I need to figure out a way of explaining how I know he’s still on it, so I can kick his ass. We have a twisted relationship, I know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 2 421

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the biggest, tackiest, most Geordie Shore-style ring I’ve ever seen. I said yes because I love him, but this thing is twice as wide as my finger and just looks horrible compared to the solitaire ring I told him I really liked. I’m embarrassed to be seen wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 501

The Top

Today, my fiancé called off our wedding, all because I wouldn’t tell him how much my life insurance is worth. Apparently, “Lovers don’t keep secrets from one another” and, “If you’re hiding that God knows what else you could be hiding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 378

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes, and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way is better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 984

You deserved it 886

Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 161

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 471

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 84

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 787

You deserved it 2 226

Same thing different taste

Drive by shooting

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