Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML
Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML
Today, my two year-old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (which took me two seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML
Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML
Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year-old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML
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Top comments
humpaleg 12
Im just curious, why do people wear shoes inside?
drayloon 50
Some people just need a little lift to accomplish a task
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Comments (103)
oobergoober89 16
Good to know for when I have kids. Bad luck OP
Songstress 3
Wow, your kid is 2 and it's not toilet trained? Pick a day when you're not going anywhere, no one will visit and you don't have to do anything else. Get up early and start feeding your kid loads and loads of salty things. Unhealthy things or overfeeding doesn't matter, you'll only do it for a day, or 2 at most. Salt = thirsty kid, so of course it's drinking a shit-ton and they only have little bladders. Spend the day back and forth to the toilet with your kid whenever it needs it. All day, OP. Don't stop because housework needs doing or whatever, just watch your kid for when it needs to pee. It should be trained by bedtime, you might have to do it the next day as well but your kid will definitely get the idea.
drayloon 50
Yeah, I think I know who I'm not hiring as a babysitter
PennyLane27 32
Judgemental much?? Tots potty train at their own pace. Each one is different. And what works for one, may not work for another. If that method worked for your kids, great. But loading kids up with salt is not only horribly unhealthy, it can be dangerous for them.
Lilo128 5
Anything you said after "wow, your kid is 2 and it's not toilet trained?" became completely invalid. Stop being a douche.
jadeleepenguin 29
I agree, 2 is a bit old to not be potty trained.
iShanny 13
Maybe the kid just turned two?? Do you really know tons of potty-trained one-year-olds? I work with that age group and most kids don't get the hang of it until around two.
HairIsEverything 15
#31 Thats what caught my eye too. As soon as I read "it" I got pissed off. You make it sound like you're potty training a puppy
marcranger 29
31 and 56, I agree that the comment was douchey and out of touch with reality. But I sometimes don't call kids that age by a gender-specific pronoun either, because, well, it's sometimes really hard to tell. Also they're not really aware enough to take offense yet. Also, I have met puppies that were smarter than most two-year-olds in my acquaintance.
marcranger 29
That's right, OP did mention the gender in the post! Sometimes that goes unsaid. Even if 14 wasn't trying for a special level of insensitivity, "it" sure succeeded admirably!
doodlecloud 27
Regarding gender neutrality, although it's probably technically incorrect, you can just say 'they're not potty trained yet'. Technically plural but everyone knows what it means and you don't sound like a monster, which I think is more important here.
vampire1618 5
2 is typically the age potty training begins. Maybe 1.5 if you're really lucky.
TomeDr 25
When my stubborn little girl refused to go, my brother suggested putting her feet in a pan of warm water. Worked like a charm.
PennyLane27 32
I laugh about this now. My 'favorite' potty training moment with my son was an attempt to do that "three day" method. (because somehow not wearing pants all weekend would make him "aware" he needed to pee?? idk we were desperate...) I had JUST asked him if he needed to pee. He said no. Not a minute later, got up and started running down the hallway, into our bedroom, back down the hallway, into the living room, back down the hallway, etc, laughing- a stream of pee leading the way.
BBeffedmylife 28
That is hilarious! Every child is different though. The 3 day method is exactly what worked with my little girl a few weeks ago! She's not even 2 yet.
PennyLane27 32
You struck potty training gold!! It took us months of trying pretty much everything, including sticker charts, incentives... We finally caught a break around Christmastime. "Mr. Winkles" (his Elf on the Shelf) would "tell Santa" if he used the potty or not. The gift of a potty trained kid made me believe in Santa all over again haha
BBeffedmylife 28
Ha! That's genius! I am so grateful that she just did it, I'm not sure I'll be so lucky when we have more babies though. She has had an independent "do it yourself" attitude since she was walking. I think that definitely helped!
boydope420 8
Hope they weren't some new J's fresh out the box. Good luck OP!!
ksks1234 33
I am 32 and not up to date with current vernacular, what are J's?
AutisticAbyss 10
Jordan's like the famous B-ball player from Space Jam.
Enslaved 38
"Said woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine All we need is just a little patience"
pl0xs3rver 45
There is some country in the world (I think it was China) who toilet-trained their kids by using whistles. It was sort of a Pavolovian response: the mother would watch the child like a hawk and whistle when the child peed. After a while it turned into a peeing on command, where the mother would whistle while the child was on the toilet and the child would go. Not saying you should or shouldn't do this, but it was just something cool I remember reading about.
Bibliovore 26
I'm reminded of an anecdote I read about a man who, when walking his dog, always said one thing when the dog was preparing to pee and another when it was preparing to poop. At some point, the man went on vacation and a friend walked his dog for him while he was away. He got a call from the friend that the dog wasn't going to the bathroom, and the friend was worried and wanted to take him to the vet. The man had a lightbulb moment and suggested the friend use the same pee/poop phrases. The friend did, and the relieved dog relieved itself. Can you imagine always needing to hear a whistle before going to the bathroom? %)
xMaeLA 24
Sometimes, running water really does help. :x Sorry about your shoes OP!
gearhead369 20
You will just need to learn a little patience, it was successful even though your shoes were peed on.
BBeffedmylife 28
Just potty trained my almost 2 year old a few weeks ago. I feel your pain. I won't go into detail on her accidents for the sake of the FML community! Just one tip though, never give up! If she doesn't seem ready to train, that's one thing.. but you giving up sends her the wrong message!