Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
Yeah because all any girl wants is a guy who can crush things with his head. Idiot.
samadams42 0
They should've drawn pussy on your forhead.
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Comments (292)
haleypiejune20 4
Even if you had succeeded it wouldn't have been impressive.
TrippingOnAcid 29
That's not going to impress us even if you succeed :/
polkaDOTfan 4
Girls don't like to be impressed. Try talking to her next time.
Esma_fml 10
It's really sad that you think killing your brain cells will impress her... :/
telli164 30
Cause girls really like that shit, I can't understand why she didn't hang around..
cjlerch 29
At least it wasn't traced. Unless..
writerchic85 26
If she would have been impressed by you crushing a can on your head imagine what kind of conversations you could have with her.
GreekYogurt 26
If you have to dumb yourself down for someone, they aren't worth it.
duskglow 12
There was no way that could possibly have ended well... YDI after the first sentence.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Guess you failed a crush... (This is the worst pun I've ever made, and I shall now continue to dig myself a hole, so that ppl will eventually forget the shame I've braught upon myself with it.)