Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML
Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML
Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying." I get there and he's running around, playing, and admitted that he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run…" then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML
Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML
Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
What a prick!
futtbuck101 1
F your sons life.
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Comments (100)
iAmScrubs 19
If that is supposed to be a pun, please do not elaborate on how the cacti would be sticky.
iAmScrubs 19
Please read this as a reply to number 8. I posted it there but I have no clue how it got here.
bo1440 3
#18 I just like to say, kudos. I think you're name is the only one I've come across that i still recognize from the first published fml. On a side note, dude youuuuu're old, haha jk.
BaconDave 12
Scrubs just went back to the first FML and commented. Many people did. He's only like 16.
amadais 1
Lets make this the most downvoted comment ever! Bury me!
savagearmz 6
U do know that everyones just going to thumb u up right?
slipknotz 0
Ah reverse psychology you sneaky bastard there's no winning against that
BaconDave 12
Let's make me the most thumbed up comment! Yes? No?
GrammaticalNazi 2
76 - you stay neutral.
lindseyluvszac 4
You can't mention anything about the doctor, kids flip ****** ape shit. I should know.. I have a toddler
detective_oreo 0
Child abuse!!!
Jujubilee 1
I hope you whooped that @$$!!!
salvorican 24
Well he didn't think that through very well now did he. He could have had maybe one needle and instead he chose to get a gazillion. Fyl
Buttsexpirate 9
That kids walkin on pins and needles!
leadman1989 16
Of he continues like this they'll have to throw him in the pokey "time out"
JRFaceless 8
Why are so many kids afraid of the doctor? I never was as a kid and I am in fact a doctor now. Are kids just ******* these days, is it a projection of the parents fears? What is it man?
FUUUandyourmom 16
Shots?
JRFaceless 8
I'll stick with the "Everyone's a pussy" theory
stfu_bam 5
Some of us grew up having to deal with dumb ass nurses. Shot after shot, the woman had no idea what she was doing, Literally I had between 10 to 15 shots (arms/ass). Finally though the doctor came in & dealt with her (fired her)
JRFaceless 8
Oh yes I do hear about the untrained ones who stick needles in your nerve...they should have more training for nurses really
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I spent most of my baby-hood in a hospital, so as you can imagine it's pretty traumatizing to be welcomed as a new citizen of the earth by being hooked up to tubes and stabbed with needles multiple times daily. I still don't like doctors, but that's mostly because all the doctors I've been to (TONS, including "specialists") are shitty ones that amount to nothing more than pushy drug dealers. With shitty stock, at that.
corrinaswan 0
Your an ass I hope you know that. They are kids what do you expect, superman? Doctors are stupid these days . And kids are scared of needles and they are scared something bad will happen.
corrinaswan 0
I know the feeling. It's horrible. Asthma sucks
DocBastard 40
Corrinaswan - doctors are stupid these days? On what exactly do you base this bit of ridiculousness? Do you have any idea how hilarious it is seeing a teenager calling doctors stupid? Generalisations are generally bad. But this one is simply ludicrous, and you look like an idiot for saying it.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Docbastard, you may be a good doctor, but the ones I have been to are definitely not. You can defend yourself, but please don't try to defend the assholes some of us have dealt with without knowing about the situation first.
salvorican 24
I've been in the ER, I've seen my family doctor, neurologists, gynecologists and rheumatologists often for 4 years and after getting treatment from each of them I still have the same problems. Docbastard I love all your comments but I agree with shrooms.. You don't know the situation and you really can't defend those doctors..
ReynshineCutting 10
I went to a cardiologist Friday and found out I have a heart defect. He wrote down what it was, handed me the paper, and told me to google it. Some doctors just plain suck (and hopefully this Fml will get approved!!!).
David_knie 2
I'm guessing you got more shots than he got?
hotpinkpepsi 6
Have a heart huh... He didn't want to go f his life
trevishere 7
It's called a comma, (,), use it.