Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML
Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, my cuckold fantasy became real. I got back home earlier than usual and found my wife being banged by a guy. I waited 10 minutes for him finish before entering the room screaming. FML
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Top comments
Marzell 12
Kinda creepy. She should just go watch **** or something.....
cherries62212 16
Looks like someone needs a better woman..
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Comments (193)
TayShayKiwi 1
I don't care if he's in Australia, does anyone notice he says second CUMMING of christ???
Ariana_Grande_fml 8
Divorce that gal, that is so sad..... If she cant appreciate u..... Nvm just divorce her
simonn96 2
These hoes ain't loyal
Saraishi 25
Ewwww. That's creepy stalker behaviour. FYL, OP. And that guy's life.
cook4money 9
If OP were a woman writing this about her husband, everyone would be yelling " divorce that cheater". I can not imagine how this guy felt, I'm so sorry dude. That really does suck and I hope you talked to her about it. I would not be ok with it but if you are able to forgive her, I wish you the best of luck.
Neopopulas 9
Not TOO different from watching ****, though it is a little creepy
doctorhook86 25
Seems like the tribe has spoken: The OP's wife may not be cheating, but this situation is fishy as hell... Pun intended.
Ashter 20
That sucks man. I really hope things work out for you though.
tj4234 36
I'm really interested to know, did you spell 'cumming' that way deliberately as a pun for the rest of the FML?
GameofWalkingBad 3
"Second cumming" I got you OP!