Anonymous
New Zealand
Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Fail
Steele, United States
Not a night owl
Today, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom. It was of course quite dark, and unbeknownst to me, the door was closed. I walked into it. Then I tried to open it, missed the door knob, and walked into the door again. FML
something
Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML
makeyourselfathome
Richmond, Australia
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
vinniesuckmadack
United States
Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML
rhplb
Quezon City, Philippines
Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML
Anonymous
Stoney Creek, Canada
Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML
anonymous
Canada
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
blackvogue
Canada
Classic
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
Anonymous
Eugene, United States
Sorry guys, please don't hurt me
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Top comments
ceinaworus 0
so, I'm going for the most negative comment on FML. rate this as negative please : ) thanks everybody! but seriously, I don't want any positive rate shit going on.
j_cat187 19
with the steel toe, how you feel though, with my foot cramed up ur ass like a *****.
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Comments (65)
this_female 0
hahahahahah
BofaDeesNuts 0
u fine
spartanfan68 0
u not
zach456 0
come to my house sometime please
Haydenob 0
haha ewwww she's not Fine at all!!
leeshxx 3
agreed with 127
mikeduse 0
agreed^ she's got a butter face, everythings great, but her face!
DeadxManxWalking 27
burglar?
jadee000 0
OUCH!
RAGEEEE 0
my thoughts indeed...
KerryBear 0
Bet you'll turn the light on next time.
FFML_314 11
This sounds like the start of a really raunchy porno.
kinga08 0
Throw those steel capped boots into his bed while he is in it sleeping. Who the **** leaves steel capped boots in the kitchen? Does he not have a closet or is he just that lazy?
dreamering 16
Read the story again. Boots don't fly by themselves.
kinga08 0
Why, I apologize. I read "my brother's steel capped boots" instead of "my brother and his..."
imcheerish 0
I bet he was a steel!
tony1234 0
wow
HahaYDI 0
Why the Hell did neither of you turn a light on?
Felipeg33 0
they probably wanted to have sex. yay for incest!
MyHandIsADolphin 0
24 if you were smart enough to read the FML before you posted that, you would have realized he was wearing the boots
duckiecrazy 0
totally agree wit 28. maybe u dyed ur hair blond for a reason
kinga08 0
I was smart enough to realize my mistake and admit it. There is no need to call me stupid and make unnecessary blonde jokes. I misread the FML, it's an honest mistake. I don't need to defend my intelligence to people who don't know me and I will never meet. I love the high horse that people on FML are always on.
duckiecrazy 0
It was meant to be taken as a joke. I was just agreeing, no need to be defensive
lalalalalalalala_fml 0
32- That was a bad joke.
tona01 16
63 your "joke" is just a bitch fit :) have an awfully boring life
briidontgive_ 0
Bad joke indeed, I misread the fml same way as king did, I bet plenty others did too, that's no reason to be rude.
mikeduse 0
btw 32 u look like a ****** pedo girl whose trying to be sexy but really you look like an idiot
s3xymoma 1
dam that must of hurt op