Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my roommate's girlfriend came to visit for a couple of days, and we fucked behind his back. My roommate told me he just tested positive for syphilis. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML
Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EndOfSekrets 13
Talk shit, get laid.
Big_Pickle 18
You win some, you lose some.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
Cherrybunny01 4
Did he use the poop scale?
alex_gen 39
Poop fetish?
4kickin 8
confidance can go a long way.
revelation11B 10
Go home, 26, you're drunk.
bluelagoon24 19
She was probably a nurse. It's just further down the scale from "You have nice veins".
briang959 47
OP, maybe you should eat more fiber.
mbuck87 19
Maybe you need to work on your 'shit game' then you might be able to get the girl?
91hayek 31
Sounds like some hippy-new-agey-homeopathy-granola-bar-vegan kinda guy with sensitive eyes and decipherable tattoos. Chicks dig those kind of guys, talking about opening their third eyes and massive ***** they take.
SunTzu2 9
No shit....you jerk!!
worldclassrager 41
If she is going into something medical I can understand otherwise he is just lucky