Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML
Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at Tae kwon do practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear." He did this in front of all my classmates. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
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Top comments
michiganfool32 9
Well go rob him for your money back. Apparently it's pretty easy.
simsimbeep 13
And you didn't do anything either....?
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Comments (50)
tim_jr628 6
I do karate, my teacher would whoop his ass, lol. Even if he had a gun he'd do something.
ChristianH39 30
Yea he would do something, he would comply and give over his wallet or likely get ventilated. Unless you live in a movie you don't try martial arts on a gunman.
slyde32 12
doesn't matter how fast you are, a bullet is a lot faster
acerredrum 23
If your instructed would try and fight a man with a gun he is an idiot. You don't risk your life for the contents of your wallet.
Octwo 16
A wallet is not worth getting shot. Unless he intends to shoot you regardless just give him the wallet, use your art when it's necessary in defense of your life, not because you think you're a badass. I've studied martial arts for half my life. Could I, in theory, defend against a gun? Most likely. Would I want to risk most likely getting shot in the process over a wallet? No. A lot of people don't realize that if you attempt to disarm a gunman you go into it with the expectation of getting shot in some manner. It's not clean, it's not badass, it's a dangerous solution to a lethal threat.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
It doesn't matter how many years you've been practicing martial arts for, if somebody mugs you with a weapon, don't pretend to be a "badass" by attempting to fight or disarm them, just give them what they want. I'm tired of idiots who "practice" martial arts and still think that they work like how they're portrayed in movies.
trendkilla254 4
so did you whimper too? or do you rackka the discaprine?
Corvo_Attano_4 12
That's actually the smart thing to do; I rather lose some money than get stabbed or shot
WinterBlue42 22
That is what my instructor says. He would only use his experience if he had no choice, or to save someones life. Otherwise, he usually carries about 30 in ones, with a 20 bill wrapped around it. Better to live and report it than be dead. :'D (Although I've seen him defend himself. . He wouldn't be whimpering.)
ChristianH39 30
It's not as much about their experience level as it is about crossing the line from self defense into assault. Using martial arts to incapacitate someone who's trying to rob you and then leaving is self defense, kicking a downed opponent because he "might" get back up and attack you is assault.
daveburgif 8
That my friend was the secret piss your pants technique. Free of charge as well ;)
CoffeeChickBlows 13
It's not assault, dumbasses. It's BATTERY. Learn the difference before y'all start giving law lessons. Assault is making the threat of violence
genericfmluser 17
You can learn a technique but not courage. Just have more balls than him if you're ever in that situation.
daveburgif 8
NEVER let Ur balls put Ur life or others in danger. If it's just money the mugger want u can get more while Ur life is priceless don't risk it.(just my opinion).
RickSanchez 4
He got robbed. But yeah fyl.
ChristianH39 30
23 first off, there's no need to call anybody a dumbass. Secondly while you're not entirely wrong, New York penal code states: A person is guilty of assault in the third degree when: 1. With intent to cause physical injury to another person, he causes such injury to such person or to a third person; or 2. He recklessly causes physical injury to another person; or 3. With criminal negligence, he causes physical injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument. Assault in the third degree is a class A misdemeanor. - See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/nycode/PEN/THREE/H/120/120.00#sthash.ytcw43mn.dpuf Now menacing, which is placing somebody under threat of death or physical injury, is a seperate but related charge. Since menacing and assault are closely related (because making the threat of violence usually precedes committing said violence) this misconception is incredibly common. I don't claim to be a lawyer, but I have educated myself fairly well about the laws concerning self defense, because the last thing I want to do is go to prison for defending myself.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
The FML's from Washington state though, but whatever. Bury my ass, sacrifice me to Cthulhu, I DESERVE it for being a bad bad little kid