By CandyMachine - United States
Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML
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  I_R_Genius  |  3

#30, If you're going to insult me, atleast spell 'genius' right. I take it you never heard of irony? That's why my name is spelled like that dumbass.

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  I_R_Genius  |  3

Actually, I've had my account way longer then you have. Please read the rules on the FAQ because you try and insult someone over the internet. Thank you and have a nice day.

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Because all FMLs are submitted the very second they happen. It couldn't possibly be that this happened earlier in the day, earlier in the week, earlier in the month, or even in the future! It couldn't possibly be that every FML has to start with "Today," regardless of its time of occurrence.