Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 93

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 53

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 27

27/10/2010 03:00

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 535

You deserved it 26 365

Good kid

The smell detective is on the case

Just a prank, bro

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 16:01

Today, I'm on a camping trip, and despite the lovely weather, I'm wearing long clothing so the mosquitoes can’t sting me. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have told THEM that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 142

28/07/2013 14:31

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 362

You deserved it 4 245

13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 1 194

22/07/2009 09:48

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 951

You deserved it 17 338

23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 155

You deserved it 429

Fair Warning

By TheNoseKnows - 16/02/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 705

You deserved it 2 482

22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 865

You deserved it 4 777

21/11/2011 06:23

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 692

You deserved it 42 836

23/01/2010 06:34

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 036

You deserved it 45 312

03/10/2011 21:41

Spicy

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 682

You deserved it 5 732

26/11/2013 18:35

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 474

You deserved it 10 139

23/10/2009 00:40

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 6 680

Go away

By pokèscared - 10/03/2020 05:00

Today, the creepy dude I’d been desperately trying to avoid was able to figure out which building I work in, the general vicinity of my house and which restaurants I frequent. He learned all this by the gifts I sent, not knowing it was him, on the Pokémon Go app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 529

01/03/2009 19:45

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 707

You deserved it 4 655

31/12/2011 17:09

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 741

You deserved it 2 612

23/12/2010 21:01

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 137

You deserved it 6 178

15/03/2011 13:11

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 14 032

23/04/2011 20:18

Spicy

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 807

You deserved it 40 680

29/10/2011 14:07

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 11 919

27/04/2016 22:32

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 285

You deserved it 2 775

10/03/2014 00:36

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 7 038

08/02/2012 18:15

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 052

You deserved it 2 630

Smoking kills

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 12:59

Today, my grandmother - who has been a heavy smoker for almost forty years, and does not believe in the dangers of smoking - was diagnosed with COPD. Also, I'm now at a greater risk of developing COPD because of her (and my parents, who also smoke). FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 69

23/08/2010 04:03

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 793

You deserved it 32 842

18/12/2009 19:23

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 010

You deserved it 3 714

19/10/2013 18:48

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 649

You deserved it 3 648

22/11/2013 14:49

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 568

You deserved it 4 214

20/12/2010 00:31

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 966

You deserved it 3 359

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 204

Pay up

By bh2000 - 29/05/2020 17:00

Today, I'd purchased a ticket for the train on my mobile app. Some idiot pushed past me on his way out and in the process makes me drop my phone, ruining it. A conductor then came to check my ticket and I got fined 150 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 144

26/04/2011 17:28

Spicy

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 490

You deserved it 6 124

The Voice

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 05:01

Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 230

08/06/2009 00:17

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 405

You deserved it 3 808

03/06/2015 06:03

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 107

You deserved it 1 996

18/11/2010 05:04

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 4 013

Different together

By jessie - 15/05/2021 04:00

Today, my mom walked in on me shaving the tops of my legs. She called me a freak, since apparently women aren’t even supposed to grow hair there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 47

24/08/2019 20:00

Today, I purchased a rather expensive, self-cleaning litter box for my 4 cats. Now they're shitting outside of the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 331

Beach bummer

By GrossLump - 27/05/2019 16:09

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 224

20/12/2012 05:55

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 997

You deserved it 3 076

Stinky

By ytho - 05/04/2021 00:00

Today, my natural body odor has gotten so bad that despite wearing 20 swipes of men’s deodorant under each armpit and taking three showers a day with an entire bottle of body wash, I still smell like a cross between onions and hot garbage. I’m a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 134

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:18

go to another store like target or something

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:13

think of the fun you'll have tomorrow though

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:13

:(

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:14

Damn iTouch... Anyways, nobody told you to rush! You can always get it tomorrow.

yuggi1 11

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:41

...But OP will freeze in the meantime :[

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:43

poor op :(

stephanie0613 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 10:02

Awww FYL for the meantime Op.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 11:17

just get a shit load of blankets or if u set your apartment on fire I'm sure you'll be warm then lol

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 13:58

or dead XD

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 16:26

You could always stand in front of your open freezer.

kofinater 3

Wednesday 27 October 2010 21:49

Is walmart the only place you are able to buy space heaters?

tj79 3

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Thursday 28 October 2010 1:34

here is a great idea; go to another store. there are other stores other than walmart.

tj79 3

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Thursday 28 October 2010 1:37

8 you could warm op up or wait warm me up... :)

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:35

Wouldn't you notice no cars in the parking lot? I mean, since when is Walmart ever empty...

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:13

think of the fun you'll have tomorrow though

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:14

@cono1717 haha owned! Lol

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:15

sad. :(

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:16

lol this people

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Thursday 28 October 2010 7:31

still makin no sense

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:16

Do some jogging on the spot, pushups and sit-ups! will warm you up quick enough!

Selena_is_back 7

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 12:00

lol speak for yourself, hahaha you don't need them.

ripjohnlennon 5

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 14:39

58-it's called sarcasm dude

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 21:48

Lol at explaining sarcasm to oc.

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Thursday 28 October 2010 16:26

do u have fb

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Saturday 30 October 2010 10:28

stupider?

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:16

eh... you'll be all right :) invite your man over to warm you up!

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:29

hope that op is a girl , otherwise really awkward comment. btw your pic is smokin'

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 11:29

2010 seniors ftw

smoke_eater05 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 14:19

I'll come warm you up anytime

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:17

That's what blankets are for.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:18

go to another store like target or something

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 10:11

target ftw. not because I work there, because it's the truth.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 10:19

This. Not even for Target per se but because the OP apparently couldn't think of any other store (even some hardware stores are carrying space heaters) for the heater.

Metalguitar30 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 11:03

exactly. op ur retarded, find a real store and get what u need.

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:34

Kent, Target, BestBuy, Zellers, Sears.. But of course you only tried Walmart?

chelle_starlight 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:20

sorry to hear this op...i guess it is time to send those house-warming invites...

chelle_starlight 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:53

op: "so that's why there were no cars in the parking lot...and here I was thinking I can just run in quickly and grab a space heater..." Wishful thinking op, wishful thinking