Love: Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our...

By Wyomingwannbe - 30/04/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 066

You deserved it 2 285

Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

In vain

By Kaite - 03/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 547

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 556

You deserved it 17 038

By thepokemonkid - 27/02/2013 05:03 - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 251

You deserved it 4 123

By robincakes94 - 29/11/2011 12:42 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 666

You deserved it 6 615

Toxic workplace

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 01:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I quit my job because I wasn't given the time or space to pump for my newborn child. I went back to work 4 weeks postpartum, and they suggested I pump in the bathroom, my car or the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 186

In and out

By newhostess - 11/04/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to recommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking. I got food poisoning from my own workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 909

You deserved it 3 403

By stellarshaun - 16/01/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 204

You deserved it 10 838

By UGH! - 19/12/2016 18:21 - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 112

You deserved it 1 016

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 430

You deserved it 2 845

By Cian_1 - 28/12/2015 18:30 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 290

You deserved it 6 532

By inconnue - 18/03/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 525

You deserved it 9 107

By cjkelly1 - 23/06/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 12 399

By Noname - 22/02/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 377

You deserved it 76 338

Fuck these people

By Coughed - 22/08/2021 20:01

Today, a customer came in without a mask, and called us "liberal sheep" for wearing one. She then coughed on me when I kindly asked her to leave. She told me, "Oh well, if you didn’t wanna get coughed on, you should have stayed home with your silly sheep mask." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 213

Rich people problems

By emptypockets - 28/06/2020 17:00

Today, after spending thousands of dollars on remodelling and painting our house, making it exactly how we wanted it, my husband's grandma passed away, leaving us her house. I’m debating on ripping everything out and taking it to the new house my hubby is so eager to move into now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 00:52 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 252

You deserved it 23 586

By phoenixditch - 23/05/2013 07:13 - United States - Burke

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 804

You deserved it 5 604

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 615

You deserved it 53 916

By BobRyder - 10/04/2014 20:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 24 336

He'll understand when he's older

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 17:00

Today, I was reading one of the numerous Thomas the Tank Engine books to my 3-year-old, train obsessed, nanny kid. They needed tinder to relight Thomas's firebox. I laughed when reading this and told him, "I have Tinder too!" He's convinced I'm a train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 1 579

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 790

You deserved it 30 609

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 10:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 2 867

By Frouse - 28/09/2018 22:02

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 958

You deserved it 785

By yoggabe - 18/08/2012 20:34 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 333

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 778

You deserved it 5 255

By that's methed up, darling - 16/08/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 815

You deserved it 6 061

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 163

Felt that

By jdot747 - 18/01/2009 01:48 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week-old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later, I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 29 454

Creepy

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 20:01

Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 277

The worst

By mommylovesu - 15/03/2011 02:25 - United States

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there, she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 146

You deserved it 43 672

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 424

You deserved it 6 791

By nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 2 328

By RosaMaravillosa - 27/06/2016 18:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 633

You deserved it 2 701

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 299

You deserved it 83 764

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 777

You deserved it 9 167

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 11 900

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 854

You deserved it 1 992

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 219

By Chris - 27/08/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I thought it would be funny to take an airhorn to a golf course and blow it while people were teeing off. It was very funny, until I blew the horn during some guy's backswing and his ball was shanked in my direction and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 5 051

By Trumpet - 28/06/2019 02:49

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 414

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Top comments

silvermoon5033 26

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:03

Why not half pulled pork and half meatballs? Problem solved.

noblecheesecake 11

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:05

You could have phrased your "I don't care" in a nicer way. That's the problem, not the choice of food.

silvermoon5033 26

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:03

Why not half pulled pork and half meatballs? Problem solved.

MasterTron 24

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Sunday 1 May 2016 19:24

Pulled pork meatballs problem solved

katydid91 31

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Monday 2 May 2016 11:11

What if someone could only eat Kosher meat?

SUN_lover 19

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:03

When life gives you meatballs just eat it and get over it.

noblecheesecake 11

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:05

You could have phrased your "I don't care" in a nicer way. That's the problem, not the choice of food.

brocho 26

Sunday 1 May 2016 19:38

It's hard to tell exactly how it was voiced without having been there. Saying "I don't care" is sometimes equivalent to saying "I don't mind", and being a woman myself, some women get all bent out of shape over nothing, so this could be something along those lines.

HonestPie 10

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Sunday 1 May 2016 20:12

Really? That's what you think the problem? If this type of stuff causes tension in your marriage, you're doing it wrong.

PANDORUM89 21

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Sunday 1 May 2016 23:10

it very well could be the problem. my boyfriend is a very laid back guy when it comes to choices and he uses words like maybe, I don't care, sure, I guess, etc. a lot. Drives me nuts. Drives his mother nuts. Sometimes we want to hear an actual answer and not be dismissed because they would rather stare at a game or not be "responsible" for the choice if it goes south. and a lot of women want to feel like their partner is contributing to the relationship and everyday decisions. Personally I don't like having to be a mother to someone that didn't shoot out of my lady bits, so man up and say yes or no. jmho. also I am not saying she isn't acting out weirdly if this is a one time thing. but I guarantee you that this I don't care attitude happens a lot with choices and this is her breaking point.

HonestPie 10

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Sunday 1 May 2016 23:43

Eh, it depends on how/when he says it. From what I took from the FML is that he'd be fine with either choice, which isn't a problem in any way whatsoever. Whether he's an indecisive dude in general, who knows? This particular situation, however, does not warrant either person being angry.

xx000o 27

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:13

You could have pulled pork meatballs served in a delicious I don't care sauce.

loudbreather 5

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:20

From my experience kids like pulled pork more than meatballs so tell your wife that and hopefully solve the problem

weissundwaus 1

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:20

Pick either one and she'll pick the other and then you'll struggle but eventually "cave" and say she's right. This is the way this works. If she's your wife and you have a kid who's old enough to play soccer, how have you not figured this out?

fakedsincerity 32

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Sunday 1 May 2016 21:34

Man, that sounds like a shitty marriage.

HonestPie 10

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Sunday 1 May 2016 23:46

This is sarcasm, right?

MummyRavyne 14

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:25

Just flip a coin!

captain_hero89 21

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:42

Perfect time for a coin toss

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:42

Why not have both? *queue Mexican music*

Mathalamus 24

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Sunday 1 May 2016 13:48

If she is known to be indecisive, you really should have just chose one. Are you just gonna let her be that way? I wouldn't. And this incoming from a fellow Indecisive person, by the way. I am aware that simply making choices for her is not the best option, but after two days... Well, it's a valid option...