Health: Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 224

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 123

08/02/2011 14:46

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 5 562

Walk the line

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

Thanks, government

16/12/2008 07:05

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 715

You deserved it 7 465

11/02/2014 10:01

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 849

You deserved it 7 268

11/10/2010 00:37

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 225

You deserved it 3 604

01/08/2013 05:10

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 247

You deserved it 5 015

30/01/2014 12:34

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 465

You deserved it 6 851

06/07/2009 19:33

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 599

You deserved it 15 273

22/01/2009 23:22

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 892

You deserved it 32 316

30/08/2013 21:05

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 592

You deserved it 3 443

Enjoy!

By sad and hungry - 06/06/2015 14:37

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 458

You deserved it 6 524

16/06/2013 23:22

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 828

You deserved it 3 419

23/05/2016 20:16

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 999

You deserved it 1 471

23/10/2011 02:06

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 566

You deserved it 7 489

16/09/2010 07:04

Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 318

You deserved it 5 020

20/07/2010 19:01

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 15 505

01/05/2011 06:02

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 684

You deserved it 3 568

30/12/2012 07:32

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 2 765

09/04/2009 09:16

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 813

You deserved it 11 432

05/05/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 151

Early bird special

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 207

11/12/2009 03:10

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 215

You deserved it 4 617

20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 520

You deserved it 471

28/12/2012 04:58

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 910

You deserved it 4 105

11/03/2010 22:44

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 190

You deserved it 26 332

12/12/2011 00:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 135

You deserved it 2 665

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By leah - 06/02/2021 00:00

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 86

26/08/2016 18:17

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 356

You deserved it 3 989

10/04/2009 20:07

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 052

You deserved it 49 781

24/10/2012 09:21

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 862

You deserved it 2 429

27/12/2009 22:25

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 14 319

01/02/2017 06:40

Today, my co-workers and I have to fight for our jobs because of a mistake our managers made. They get to keep their jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 157

You deserved it 367

01/05/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 341

31/05/2016 16:11

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 513

You deserved it 3 264

21/08/2016 13:53

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 1 553

09/12/2013 05:52

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 677

You deserved it 7 880

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 143

10/04/2009 21:39

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 280

You deserved it 4 724

06/12/2016 15:22

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 582

Creepy guy

By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 3 439

01/04/2009 02:23

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 029

You deserved it 5 496

24/08/2018 22:00

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 787

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:57

are you sure she didn't just say "try new things to boost your confidence, like getting a new hair style"? is that what she said OP? are you just trying to get attention OP? you're obviously not paying her enough.

F_U_imcrippled 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:57

Why don't you just lay back on my couch and tell me how that makes you feel.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:50

That's therapy for you..

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:53

Money well spent, of course.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:57

are you sure she didn't just say "try new things to boost your confidence, like getting a new hair style"? is that what she said OP? are you just trying to get attention OP? you're obviously not paying her enough.

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:15

haha this is what I thought but much less funny

F_U_imcrippled 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:57

Why don't you just lay back on my couch and tell me how that makes you feel.

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Monday 28 February 2011 3:28

#4 win

sweet_candy_ 17

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:59

You could have told yourself that for FREEEEE.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:59

Nice confidence booster lol Sounds like your therapist is a straight up quack Stop wasting your money

agirlnamedlogan 5

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:04

FHL for sucking at her job, and wasting years getting a psychology degree. And yeah FYL too, sucks that you ended up with her.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:10

ooooooooooooo.....

rattusrattus 18

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:11

Maybe your therapist is in the employ of your hairdresser.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:04

a hair dresser could have suggested a new hair style for you at a much cheaper cost.