Love: Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all...

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 3 692

Love

Another great day to be alive

This Charming Man

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 730

You deserved it 12 965

There goes the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 22:00

Today, our neighbors have the most beautiful garden, with hundreds of crocuses in spring. Actually, that was our former neighbors. The new owners have since dug up all the flower bulbs, thrown them out, and replaced them with some lovely decorations made of old car tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 101

By Sunshine56 - 10/11/2016 03:11 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 444

You deserved it 764

By Karate Kid - 25/05/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 954

You deserved it 35 232

By Kpotassium - 19/12/2016 21:58 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 007

You deserved it 1 036

By whyme - 31/05/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 397

You deserved it 4 449

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 6 758

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 06:50 - Singapore

Today, my son told his teacher that she "has a nice rack." He's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 888

You deserved it 11 703

By Justanotherwreck - 20/04/2019 16:00

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 3 930

By Lulu - 17/09/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 527

You deserved it 3 317

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 3 554

By Fag_Hag - 06/02/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 299

You deserved it 3 295

By alrightsheryl - 28/03/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 508

You deserved it 4 882

Check yourself

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 23:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 3 847

By op-poopy - 22/04/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 2 587

Still better than the Cats movie

By dirty deeds - 31/05/2020 14:00

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 131

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 371

You deserved it 4 140

By Anonymous - 22/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 12 399

By Kenny - 24/01/2014 07:16 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 39 392

You deserved it 8 308

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 033

You deserved it 761

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 390

You deserved it 62 421

By nr1234 - 24/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 246

You deserved it 4 476

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 661

You deserved it 20 833

Working too hard!

By Sudoc - 03/12/2017 05:00

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 888

You deserved it 237

By UpAllNight - 09/02/2019 13:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 012

You deserved it 279

It's a trap

By Dangling - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lizella

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 995

You deserved it 1 776

By what the fuck, mate - 30/09/2012 19:00 - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 2 548

By GiantsFan13 - 23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 772

You deserved it 8 551

By Need Help - 05/10/2017 16:30 - United States - Victorville

Today, my grandma went for a walk after being told that she has a bad heart and a fall could be fatal. She fell, fracturing both wrists, and is now in casts and can't do anything herself. Turned out it was only fatal to my college semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 421

You deserved it 312

By bdiddy - 11/07/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 685

You deserved it 11 335

Life's a beach

By Derek - 28/05/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I went tanning on the beach. I found a nice spot close to shore and laid there with my towel and sunglasses. A few hours later, I awoke to waves splashing at me. My towel was soaked and my sunglasses must have washed off the shore. Damn high tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 070

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 11:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 924

You deserved it 5 379

By paywithpoop - 22/06/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 3 863

By halitosis - 01/10/2012 07:18 - United States - Compton

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 287

You deserved it 19 024

By hnnhyoo - 13/08/2015 21:33 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 893

You deserved it 1 636

Death wish

By nima - 23/02/2021 02:01

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:42 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 974

You deserved it 4 168

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 849

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 452

You deserved it 1 895

By ... - 07/02/2014 20:30 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 4 053

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Top comments

tzemmy 25

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

that happens a lot apparently. I think it has to do with the confidence level- they A) aren't looking for partner, and B) are more happy since they have one. many single people don't have the same confidence level and therefore seem less attractive to others.

mustangbravo 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:35

Don't let it get you down. The right person is out there. Don't be afraid to make the first move either. Throw us guys a line every now and then.

Googolman 29

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:33

Don't take it personally.

Rinat_fml 26

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Friday 19 December 2014 4:00

It probably is though, lol.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Friday 19 December 2014 8:01

Story of my life too. I know the feeling all too well...

elusiveshame 22

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Friday 19 December 2014 15:25

Maybe take the initiative to talk to people yourselves?

Nicholas12 15

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Saturday 20 December 2014 0:42

60 exactly

_parth 20

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:33

Damn, God must have a very special someone for you. Don't lose your hope

maggiefox 25

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Saturday 20 December 2014 8:55

Aw :) Parth you're so sweet lol

tzemmy 25

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

Stazza11 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 1:21

Also the good old "you always want what you can't have" comes into play here.

Steve97 32

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Friday 19 December 2014 1:55

Like you said most people at bars are usually only looking for one night stands so op pretty much dodged a few bullets. Don't worry you'll op once you find someone they won't let go :)

jenninator93 18

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Friday 19 December 2014 2:00

I've also heard somewhere that if you have sex regularly your hormones or pheromones are more appealing to the opposite sex. Or something like that lol.

Vestin 18

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Friday 19 December 2014 3:32

#23 I don't think she wanted to "dodge bullets". She could've been fine with a one-night-stand (imagine that!). Besides - "The only people who never fail are those who never try". What you're suggesting is pretty much that she should be glad she didn't have the opportunity, because things could've been bad. Either that or you're telling her "You deserve it for looking for love in a bar".

KrustyKrab 18

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Friday 19 December 2014 11:30

maybe op was just so amazing that all the guys thought she HAD to be already in a relationship :)

anonymous100000 17

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Friday 19 December 2014 22:35

OP is the DUFF

PissyBitch Daily 13

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Wednesday 6 September 2017 3:06

Can confirm. For some reason it's the few hours after having a little nookie with my boyfriend that men approach me more than usual.

austincain117 16

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

Sorry to hear that OP. Happens to everyone at sometime in their life.

MELKOZAR 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

It's ok. I've never even been in a relationship...

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Friday 19 December 2014 5:48

5--ur 18.. you have plenty of time!

mustangbravo 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:35

Don't let it get you down. The right person is out there. Don't be afraid to make the first move either. Throw us guys a line every now and then.

Wolfparable 22

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:35

Well, hi miss. :)

your_ma 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:37

What #3 said. When you go out focus on just having a really fun time with your friends and forget about looking to meet someone. You'll instantly look more confident and attractive and fun to be around. You will increase your chances of someone wanting to chat you up but also you'll have a better night