Miscellaneous: Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating,... - FML

By stephiexbabexx - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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Dangling modifier

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Rock n Roll is a dirty business

By Perry85

Once again

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 02:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

How could you?

Today, I saw the Steelers throw the game to the Browns. I get it, you don't want to go to the Superbowl, but could you try being more realistic than staged wrestling? FML

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By MID12 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

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By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

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By sorrygranny - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

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By broke

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

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By Elmo - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

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By Nobody - United States

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

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By BrokeAndPsst - United States

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

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By Kasnt - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

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By oldtexas - United States

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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By blah blah daddy - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

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By qx5 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

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By notyouraverageteenager - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

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By madseason - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

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By creeper - United States

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

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By NothowIimaginedmyday - United States

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

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By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

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By what did I do? - United States - San Francisco

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

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By phonebaby - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a chinese restaurant, only to get nervous and hang up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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By thickly - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

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By Sick - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By nolove - Canada

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

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By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By babygurl69 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

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By na - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "I'm bored." FML

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By sammers27 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Saint-renan

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

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By Ginger - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

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Top comments

By saranottelling | 7

#776997 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

The same thing happened to me when I was 10, only with my retainer. The sticky garbage didn't ever really come off and I had to get a new one.

By xxmollyxx | 25

#777034 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:07

I'm sorry, but what a boring and pointless story :/ pretty much everyone's had to pick something up from the trash at one point or another...

COMMENTS

By revcanon | 0

#776984 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:50

that is all your fault. and FIRST

By saranottelling | 7

#776997 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

The same thing happened to me when I was 10, only with my retainer. The sticky garbage didn't ever really come off and I had to get a new one.

Reply

arnaldo_fml | 0

#777375 - Saturday 16 January 2010 5:45

There's a site like FML but where visitors can tell their DARKEST SECRETS! :) it's www.whatasecret.com

By itsmehoeee | 0

#777000 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

first(: that sucks haha

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#777056 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:21

If you hadn't spent time writing " first(: ", you probably would have been first..

By tass919 | 12

#777019 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:01

you're an idiot, and totally deserve it

By xxmollyxx | 25

#777034 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:07

I'm sorry, but what a boring and pointless story :/ pretty much everyone's had to pick something up from the trash at one point or another...

Reply

israelnotjacob | 20

#777494 - Saturday 16 January 2010 7:13

Yeah exactly. Sure it's gross, but most people have to do that in some way. This site is supposed to be for embarrassing and sucky situations that don't happen everyday. Someone having to fish something out of the trash is an everyday occurrence.

Reply

RachelTM | 0

#777673 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:29

It may happen to everyone at some point or another, but it still qualifies as an FML, as it probably ruined the OP's day. ;-)

Reply

israelnotjacob | 20

#778541 - Saturday 16 January 2010 23:56

If something as insignificant as that ruined their day then they have far worse problems then a dirty phone.

By jennay8288 | 1

#777041 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:09

Sucks...but you should always do the "tap" before throwing something like that away. (Check pockets for wallet/phone/etc). But you live, you learn, not really an FML..

By scarsnstars45 | 0

#777047 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:14

This is so lame it has to be fake!

By ily1210 | 10

#777049 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:16

i dont know why everyones saying YDI? it was an accident, and it could have happened to anyone.

By ihateu44 | 0

#777075 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:31

hahahahaha.fyl

By dspadres | 0

#777084 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:38

Well thats what you get for whipping out your phone because one of your friends did and having this strong need to keep your phones sitting out in the open to show them off or to pretend you have something important to text to someone at all times.

Reply

TheLetterZero | 7

#777193 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:47

Way to make a stupid assumption.