Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating,... - FML

By stephiexbabexx - 15/1/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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No justice

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 17/4/2016 17:27 - Austria - Vienna

Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 16:48 - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

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By Jesse - 10/5/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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By unknown002 - 12/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

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By a manly woman? - 9/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

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By ac-hoo - 4/2/2012 14:52 - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By notgoodenough - 26/10/2016 18:47

Today, I was informed I wouldn't be getting a raise because I hadn't followed the updated protocol. I said I was unaware that there was an updated protocol. My supervisor said, "That's because we didn't tell you about it." FML

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By Biggest Jerk - 14/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

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By UnderConstruction - 4/5/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

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By monkey2069 - 13/5/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 18:23 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 06:00 - United States - Los Angeles

I'm sitting right here

Today, I got my nails done at a salon where everyone working there was Vietnamese. During my manicure, the manicurists talked about how ugly I was in their native tongue. They couldn't have known that I'd lived in Vietnam and I'm fluent in Vietnamese, but too chickenshit to speak up. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 16:58 - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Username - 9/3/2011 10:04

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their visa sooner than he'd thought. FML

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By _RobotInDisguise - 9/12/2009 23:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

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By martyn28 - 13/8/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2018 15:00

Today, I finally felt better after having the flu for two weeks. I decided to do some much-needed cleaning that I hadn't been able to do while sick. I tripped over my rug and broke my ankle. FML

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By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

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By Tweety - 9/4/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - 30/7/2014 04:41 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

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By thats what my ipod is for - 26/4/2013 17:34 - United States

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

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By DeActivated - 4/5/2013 00:39 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

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By eyepatch - 19/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

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By ewewew - 24/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

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By floff - 19/9/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

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By Physics fail. - 11/11/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

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By - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

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By samantha - 17/8/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

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By person - 10/6/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

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By peepeepainter - 7/1/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By Nucleus - 8/10/2015 13:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

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By royallymessedup - 14/8/2016 13:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

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By anonymous - 27/10/2009 13:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

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Top comments

By saranottelling | 7

#776997 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

The same thing happened to me when I was 10, only with my retainer. The sticky garbage didn't ever really come off and I had to get a new one.

By xxmollyxx | 25

#777034 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:07

I'm sorry, but what a boring and pointless story :/ pretty much everyone's had to pick something up from the trash at one point or another...

COMMENTS

By revcanon | 0

#776984 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:50

that is all your fault. and FIRST

By saranottelling | 7

#776997 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

The same thing happened to me when I was 10, only with my retainer. The sticky garbage didn't ever really come off and I had to get a new one.

Reply

arnaldo_fml | 0

#777375 - Saturday 16 January 2010 5:45

There's a site like FML but where visitors can tell their DARKEST SECRETS! :) it's www.whatasecret.com

By itsmehoeee | 0

#777000 - Saturday 16 January 2010 1:53

first(: that sucks haha

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#777056 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:21

If you hadn't spent time writing " first(: ", you probably would have been first..

By tass919 | 12

#777019 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:01

you're an idiot, and totally deserve it

By xxmollyxx | 25

#777034 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:07

I'm sorry, but what a boring and pointless story :/ pretty much everyone's had to pick something up from the trash at one point or another...

Reply

israelnotjacob | 20

#777494 - Saturday 16 January 2010 7:13

Yeah exactly. Sure it's gross, but most people have to do that in some way. This site is supposed to be for embarrassing and sucky situations that don't happen everyday. Someone having to fish something out of the trash is an everyday occurrence.

Reply

RachelTM | 0

#777673 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:29

It may happen to everyone at some point or another, but it still qualifies as an FML, as it probably ruined the OP's day. ;-)

Reply

israelnotjacob | 20

#778541 - Saturday 16 January 2010 23:56

If something as insignificant as that ruined their day then they have far worse problems then a dirty phone.

By jennay8288 | 1

#777041 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:09

Sucks...but you should always do the "tap" before throwing something like that away. (Check pockets for wallet/phone/etc). But you live, you learn, not really an FML..

By scarsnstars45 | 0

#777047 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:14

This is so lame it has to be fake!

By ily1210 | 10

#777049 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:16

i dont know why everyones saying YDI? it was an accident, and it could have happened to anyone.

By ihateu44 | 0

#777075 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:31

hahahahaha.fyl

By dspadres | 0

#777084 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:38

Well thats what you get for whipping out your phone because one of your friends did and having this strong need to keep your phones sitting out in the open to show them off or to pretend you have something important to text to someone at all times.

Reply

TheLetterZero | 7

#777193 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:47

Way to make a stupid assumption.