Animals: Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and...

By moorox45 - 16/01/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 418

You deserved it 11 724

Animals

Triage

Mother of the year

Compassionate management

By Anonymous - 11/09/2013 13:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 071

You deserved it 82 459

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 13:44 - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 111

You deserved it 1 662

By VtecKickIn - 17/07/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 5 666

By oxbonxo - 07/02/2011 08:38 - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 532

You deserved it 6 143

By NotTalented - 16/12/2013 03:44 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 600

You deserved it 4 714

By bym5052 - 15/07/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 796

You deserved it 14 525

By Joplin - 13/09/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 917

You deserved it 6 214

By ... - 21/04/2012 02:49 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 37 902

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 203

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 167

Red alert

By nobleach - 02/07/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 567

You deserved it 13 938

By dane - 29/06/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 411

You deserved it 4 548

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 585

You deserved it 4 122

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 23:13

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 649

You deserved it 3 582

By knickedleg - 22/05/2010 07:03 - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 365

You deserved it 25 144

By Nohouseforme - 07/10/2016 05:38 - United States - Tempe

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 468

You deserved it 1 440

By Abby - 17/10/2018 08:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, my employer gave me a gift to celebrate the one-year anniversary of my hire date. It would have been a really nice gesture if they weren't laying me off at the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 134

By livin - 11/09/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 082

You deserved it 5 910

By notapetkiller - 26/07/2016 06:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog that had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 920

You deserved it 1 616

By link - 26/05/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 4 351

By grosstoenail - 13/07/2016 05:04 - Canada - Courtice

Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost her toenail. Not only did she immediately show me, but she then took a picture and showed everyone coming up to my station. I lost sales because she wouldn't leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 255

You deserved it 1 024

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 414

You deserved it 4 410

By Youdontneed2knowmyname - 05/02/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 857

You deserved it 26 594

By thairsha - 09/02/2012 11:05 - Japan

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 324

You deserved it 4 207

Queef Richards

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 114

Delirious

By CanIGoHomeNow - 18/07/2021 08:01

Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 218

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 17:01

Today, a thunderstorm killed our internet and I realized there were lots of things I could do "in the real world", but… I’m too tired to do any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 517

By j_portal - 26/10/2014 03:47 - United States - Carlstadt

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 5 523

Promoted!

By Worst Way To Get Promoted - 25/09/2019 16:00

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 141

By Amber - 28/05/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 624

You deserved it 52 334

By Rothaar - 26/01/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 2 329

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 538

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 13 142

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 2 885

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 3 829

Let me speak to the manager

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 00:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee." I'm the only woman working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 015

You deserved it 2 755

Siren king

By drreeeewwww - 25/11/2014 20:44 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 567

You deserved it 3 726

Little shit

By single&alone - 06/03/2015 20:44 - United States - Seattle

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 3 507

By -- - 04/09/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 543

You deserved it 3 046

By gonebabygone - 27/08/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 134

You deserved it 9 511

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Top comments

MikeDa1Da 14

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:46

Check your old underpants for the momma spider

ICATiger 13

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's why you don't leave stuff outside.

wakadalhadaf 4

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:43

First one!!!!!!!!

cheesypies 6

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:45

I see you're in a sticky situation.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:58

Looks like your shoes got jizzed by spiders.

ColdplaySucks 18

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:07

Were the spiders ok??

FirstTigerHobbes 13

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:13

This is why I don't wear shoes Or anything at all

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:43

I didn't even read this FML. All I saw was baby spiders and I knew OP's life was fucked. I don't even want to know what happened.

Pentium_4 26

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:44

i seriously see this comment in every FML lol

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:41

Is pain sticky?

LLLP 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:03

Not really....

lindseykcool 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:35

Reading this FML made me kind of itchy. Spiders scare me more than anything on the planet.

PuppiesFTW 5

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:22

My brother found a bunch of mice poop in his shoe like a week ago, True Story.

ladyLALAA 28

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:29

Birds scare me more then spiders, eww

naughtia 14

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:31

Wouldn't you have crushed the spiders before they could inflict pain?

PeypeyTheBeeotch 1

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:45

OhMyGod!:O I piss my pants!

lovertolover 4

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 1:28

That is like one of my biggest fears.

lolyeahthatsme 11

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Sunday 22 January 2012 4:18

probably because they were biting op

TexasBitch 13

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Monday 26 August 2013 23:17

That's what I was thinking! They would all be dead...

MikeDa1Da 14

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:46

Check your old underpants for the momma spider

Cryptic_Equinox 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:57

And THATS when i light my clothes on fire and move out. ...those little bastards have waay too many legs.

Chad_the_Brony 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 3:14

We're going in with first wave! Means more bugs for us to kill. When we drop, you kill anything with more than two legs. Do you get me?

Sinforme17 0

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 23:21

Goddamn bugs whacked us Johnny!

2oc 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 5:21

85- starship troopers? When i went camping a few years ago i found a gang of earwigs living in my swimshorts. I didn't find out until i put them on either OP, eugh. Those pincers...

Meowingtons500 18

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:46

Your feets attract spiders:)

ICATiger 13

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:49

No she's spiderwoman.

Mama_Umbridge 8

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:07

No her feet are feet

2ndSucks 15

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:27

Did you really add an s to feet to make it plural?

Torva_fml 16

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:06

Why yes, I did. Do you have a problem with my feets? Oh my, my feets are sore. My feets are so dry today. My feets are so sensitive after all that running. Would you give me a feets massage? Oh baby, don't tickle my feets! Did I just anger you? Oh? I'm sorry. Actually no, I'm not.

xSonic 9

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:46

Poor spiders, imagine the suffering they were in :(

MizzErikaHart 8

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:57

Not as much as the monkey raping the frog (YouTube)

G0v3nat0r 7

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:28

I want to know how the spiders didn't get crushed.

salvorican 24

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:33

Those demons never die.... :[

Bski94 0

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 4:07

Oh my gosh. I can't even imagine. Now I feel spiders crawling on me.

thatKidzmOm 10

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:47

Why did you wait "several minutes"? When I feel pain, I know I react immediately. On a side note, poor spiders. :)

flea_of_death 23

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:53

i must agree, why did you not check your foot when you first felt the pain? then again, this world lacks common sense...

zombicidal 11

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:31

he wanted to walk it off?

idiothater1 4

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:51

Being shit scared of spiders myself, I check the shoe before I put my foot in it...

You_Need_Soap 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:41

On a side-side note, fuck the spiders! FYL indeed!

bulliedkid 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 14:22

Same!

ICATiger 13

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's why you don't leave stuff outside.

ClassyCommando 13

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:58

Damn, nature, you scary!

Torva_fml 16

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:16

Last time a spider crawled out of my shoe... I ran the fuck inside, and grabbed spider killer. It's now my morning ritual to squish the fuck out of my shoes by jumping on them just to make sure no live spiders are in them.

silver848 6

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:49

If that happened to me (I'm extremely aracnophobic aka the fear of spiders) I would have scream so friggin loud and throw my shoe as far away as I could possibly throw. Gross. Fyl majorly!

retropiaf 2

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:26

Same for me, then I would probably have sat on the groung and cried. I have chicken goose just by reading it.

cutenessizme 4

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:48

Chicken goose?

silver848 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:00

I think he means chicken skin/ goose bumps. Lolz

retropiaf 2

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:05

Yah, sorry English is not my first language and chicken goose sounded right :))

HaleyCross 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:18

That was cute retropiaf

sergina101 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:29

There would be scarring involved. Spiders are just disgusting. Fyl op next time check before putting anything that's been outside on.

chili10 18

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 8:25

I know I'm going to get thumbed down just like 114, but I agree. Chicken goose put a smile on my face. :)

indistructo 3

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:49

thy explains the pain! :D

chelseaaababyyy 17

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:11

you think so ?

zombicidal 11

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:18

its like turducken but with goose

klorehore 24

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Monday 16 January 2012 23:50

Imagine they were quite squishy, and probably would lead to some discomfort if they took a lot of room in there, but where does the pain come in? Or are you that sympathetic, cause I reckon they didn't enjoy it that much