Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I bought a pack of peanuts to share with my partner and his 16 ear-old daughter, whom I'd just been introduced to. I asked him if I could eat his peanuts as well, since he wasn't eating them and, because my greedy mouth was stuffed with my own peanuts, it came out as, "Can I eat your penis?" FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML
Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
lol :') "the damage was done!"
boopityboppity 11
Well, now we know what you were really thinking about. Gotta love those Freudian Slips.
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Comments (94)
K0RRuPT 0
I wonder what were you thinking of at that time that made you say penis instead of peanut.. ;p
marc33 0
is OP guy or girl...??? eitherway, OP was thinking about de cute brother's penis n nuts.....!! lol
brookiebaby1212 0
see the gender sign in the corner? op is female the user name hints toward female as well princess something
TandJHire 0
Oh Wow, Thats halarious!!! I have mixed my words up but usually I only say things like that when I'm drunk. Were you drunk? That would be forgivable
Cian_1 28
She is in India, as someone who has been living in India for the last 7 months, I'll let you into a little secret - she wasn't drunk. :P
ColdGold 6
Just wait until you hear them tell someone else that it's "penis sauce". "How do you make it?" "Well, you grind some penis . . . "
KaylieBieber13 0
tht sounds painful!
sesp61289 0
How is this an fml? All you had to do was laugh it off and say my bad don't know where that came from.. Or make a joke of it
blastvortex 4
Didn't you mean the pingas sauce?
UnicornsDoExist 0
"what you doin man?!" "just trying to get me some nuts... what are you doing?!" just tryin to get some penis" what?!" "peanuts"
KingRDZ 0
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pitbullmom 0
lol reminds me of the time I ordered a cherry coke from a hot waiter
mshafty 0
Wow interesting story! did you ask to get cherry blasted?
pitbullmom 0
naw just asked for a cherry ****, I was out to lunch with my mom to, she still laughs at me 5 years later lol
perdix 31
If you think penis sauce is brown, your boyfriend needs to get to a urologist right away!
aback 5
That's what I was thinking. His family stared at her because they wondered why the hell she'd think semen was BROWN.
ColdGold 6
fun knee
CallMeHush 1
Is that peanut sauce on your face or am I just happy to see you?