Intimacy: Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf,... - FML

By weeping_angel_ - 12/07/2014 14:00 - United States - Cortland

Spicy

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 899

You deserved it 13 887

Hiding from the drama

Empathy lives

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - 09/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 803

You deserved it 5 023

Public surprise

By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 08:00 - Canada

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 2 438

By Gimmie a spare - 19/04/2016 20:45 - United States - Memphis

Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 657

You deserved it 2 883

Caught

By Kiki - 28/04/2021 08:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I was home alone while my family was on a trip for 3 days at the beach. I walked around naked and did stuff, thinking they wouldn't know. After a whole evening of doing stuff like that, I noticed a camera. They were filming it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 419

By sobasics - 06/05/2013 23:43 - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 339

You deserved it 3 704

By LostSoul - 19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 91

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 3 002

By norestforthewicked - 19/04/2011 04:30

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 038

You deserved it 4 311

By teeeessst - 13/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 809

You deserved it 26 011

By anonymous - 27/06/2015 17:40 - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 117

You deserved it 2 860

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Spicy

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 240

You deserved it 5 093

By wookieewhosshe - 22/07/2019 06:43

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 131

By Eric Forrest - 24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 23 915

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 10:15 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 846

You deserved it 3 111

By Oblivious - 25/09/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 31 938

By Pissedoffwife - 07/07/2019 14:00

Today, our dishwasher broke. It's my husband's chore to do the dishes, but he refused to hand-wash them, and instead suggested we take them all up to his mother's for her to put in her dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 02:00

Today, I learned something new. I knew that ripening apples release some kind of gas that affects other fruit. But I learned that apparently, it can also affect living plants. Meaning that if you keep a windfall of apples in the same room as a potted rose, the rose will die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 219

Bad day?

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 11:01

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 18/03/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 4 054

By Jgfenix - 22/09/2015 00:24 - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 826

You deserved it 2 221

By anonymous - 30/09/2012 05:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 548

You deserved it 1 994

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 10:00 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 652

By Numb - 11/04/2011 19:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 357

You deserved it 7 014

By Anonymous - 01/02/2014 22:26 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my team suffered a humiliating loss against our biggest rivals. My family was pretty supportive, though, but only because they'd taken bets against me from the start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 093

You deserved it 3 895

By Disappointed - 04/10/2014 03:08

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 697

You deserved it 5 100

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 244

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 962

You deserved it 4 107

Drugs are bad

By Mike Capobianco - 22/08/2021 02:01

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 71

By sel2207 - 06/01/2009 03:27 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 2 548

By SunshineX7 - 09/10/2013 04:22 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 9 612

By cam96 - 15/10/2017 13:00

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 275

By Anonymous - 07/08/2010 02:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 916

You deserved it 18 444

By babybreath - 03/06/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 10 160

Workaholic

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 17:01

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 129

By Justlooking - 28/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 565

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 08:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 455

You deserved it 40 778

How shocking!

By Anonymous - 04/03/2018 01:30

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 15:22 - United States - Yukon

Today, I spent over $20 at the laundromat doing two weeks of laundry, just to avoid using the facilities in my apartment complex and having to deal with my creepy landlord trying to steal my underwear again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 450

You deserved it 1 601

By Anonymous - 19/08/2018 20:30

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 405

You deserved it 175

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:23

I bet your neighbors enjoyed that;)

TorturedXeno 27

Saturday 12 July 2014 19:24

Did any of the videos involve a pizza man and a babysitter? Nevermind, you're not supposed to talk about it.

Comments

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:23

I bet your neighbors enjoyed that;)

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:51

If anything, leave your apartment next time in a cast. Might give them an explanation for all the moaning

vintage_doll_89 8

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:32

Ohhh no.... Oh well. It isn't uncommon and it's not really a big deal. But I'm going to go ahead and assume there weren't any cows mooing or anything..

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Saturday 12 July 2014 22:32

What... Where'd you get the cows?

football98_fml 20

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Saturday 12 July 2014 22:48

At least you can't hear your neighbors cursing at you next time you see them

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Sunday 13 July 2014 2:55

Why would they curse? This would totally make my day! So funny!!! ;-)

thatoneninjadude 14

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Sunday 13 July 2014 3:32

#90 can you message me please?

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Sunday 13 July 2014 4:30

76, the cows were from another fml where the op overheard her sister having sex and it sounded like mooing (at least that's what it made me think of)

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Sunday 13 July 2014 5:23

The neighbours probably thought he was watching women's tennis with all their grunts and groans!

vintage_doll_89 8

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Sunday 13 July 2014 7:36

If you could read, you'd understand I said I was going to assume there weren't any animal noises, so since it's not WEIRD, not to worry. Good to see so many intellectuals about, though. Holy Christ.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 13 July 2014 9:45

Wait a minute... If you know you're deaf, why would you have speakers on or connected? Unless they're built into your computer or you're trying to use them to get off like the woman radio caller in Private Parts, then YDI...

coolster5000 22

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 13:31

AHHAHA OH MY GOD

Saturday 12 July 2014 19:23

That's deafinitely a sucky situation.

blazerman_fml 17

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:30

Definitely a STICKY situation!

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:31

No, stop it both of you!

blazerman_fml 17

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:38

Just trying to turn that frown upside down.Don't see what I did wrong there.Sorry if I offended you #17

ColonelCusswords 24

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:39

No keep going, this shit is funny

yupyupyuppity 5

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:06

Sometimes I like to squawk at egg cartons in grocery stores so little baby chickens will wreak havoc on customers

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:26

Duuuude....

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Saturday 12 July 2014 22:21

It was more of a "these puns suck, stop it!" I think.

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Sunday 13 July 2014 5:09

Your "PUNS" are not amusing

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Sunday 13 July 2014 5:25

Don't tell me how to live my life!

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Sunday 13 July 2014 10:38

Now you've pun and did it. You made #17 angry. That's not punny of you!

TorturedXeno 27

Saturday 12 July 2014 19:24

Did any of the videos involve a pizza man and a babysitter? Nevermind, you're not supposed to talk about it.

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:35

I bet he was slapping her rear.

TorturedXeno 27

Saturday 12 July 2014 19:43

It all makes even more sense when you notice that OP's name indicates that he is an angel.

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:52

You sir are inspiration to the Supernatural fandom everywhere.

ArgentumAurum 24

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:21

30, thats a doctor who reference, and it has nothing to do with actual angels.

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:24

this is an example that everything is about Supernatural

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:48

You are fantastic this is why I love the supernatural fandom

kingdomgirl94 28

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:58

This is why I hate the supernatural fandom. Back to Tumblr, all of you!

Melix 31

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:59

#51 UHH, you're talking about the WEEPING Angels, they mean Castiel.

Melix 31

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Saturday 12 July 2014 21:01

Maybe the babysitter did something wrong

crimson_rebel 5

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Sunday 13 July 2014 3:52

I just watched this episode the other dAy xD hahhaha the spn fandom rocks!

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Sunday 13 July 2014 4:40

Is it weird that I watched that video about 1 hour ago?

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Sunday 13 July 2014 5:11

#23 maybe she was doing something wrong

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Sunday 13 July 2014 5:49

Or she.

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Sunday 13 July 2014 7:49

You're a legend!

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Sunday 13 July 2014 11:44

Supernatural on FML? This made my entire day.

STEALTHHUNTER88 13

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 10:13

How did a Doctor Who reference become a Supernatural one? I'd love an explanation :)

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Monday 28 July 2014 23:02

Ahhh Supernatural.. Riight?

wvni 13

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:25

Hope no one was around to hear that, or else they may be making some opinions of your video choices

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Saturday 12 July 2014 22:22

I just wanna know why he has speakers... I'm kidding of course but still YDI.

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Sunday 13 July 2014 2:20

thats fucked up

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Sunday 13 July 2014 3:29

Maybe he's old school and watches DVDs on his tv?

IloveToLaugh143 21

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:25

Imagine what your neighbors were thinking lol xD

XDsmileyDX_fml 24

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Saturday 12 July 2014 20:29

They were probably thinking he was watching porn...

lord_meloetta 20

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:26

Can someone explain why people clicked YDI?

crapmaster3000 19

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:27

Either a miss click or because they are jerks or they want the badge

pjsr 32

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:32

It seems reasonable to assume this isn't the first time he's watched something while deaf

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:49

I'm deaf and that person knows better to check the volume in the first place lmao.

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:49

Like #19 said it is reasonable to assume that OP has watched tv before even while deaf. My twin sister is deaf and every time she turns on her tv she puts it on mute.

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:26

Good vibrations huh!!

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:26

The neighbors think you are either a creep or a stud

bryanjamieluke 17

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:27

So it was a hands-on experience?

wvni 13

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:31

Cheesy puns gonna be cheesy I guess. Better build the bomb shelter.

MandyMeow_fml 18

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Saturday 12 July 2014 19:27

If someone heard you who cares, you were in the privacy of your own home. It's not like you were in public now that would have been awkward.

laden_swallow09 34

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Saturday 12 July 2014 22:15

Considering the volume of his TV or computer monitor, he's making his activities public.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 27

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 146