Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed... - FML

By itzcorinnelove - 18/8/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40058

You deserved it

12660

Tweet

Share

The best cat

Running commentary

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30425

You deserved it

2605

Tweet

Share

By shadokis - 12/9/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28863

You deserved it

2532

Tweet

Share

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/2/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29986

You deserved it

6559

Tweet

Share

By blewidstepr - 16/5/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32413

You deserved it

6362

Tweet

Share

By LXA429 - 12/3/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6837

You deserved it

32265

Tweet

Share

By Economess - 17/9/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24844

You deserved it

4127

Tweet

Share

By Hahamaster333 - 28/3/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10778

You deserved it

74787

Tweet

Share

By FedExMan - 11/8/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41582

You deserved it

2580

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42232

You deserved it

2794

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2012 00:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11364

You deserved it

21197

Tweet

Share

By Sloppy Cashmere - 9/5/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11771

You deserved it

1396

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 06:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19930

You deserved it

1586

Tweet

Share

By djxerxes9000 - 8/2/2013 02:56 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24406

You deserved it

5760

Tweet

Share

By Username - 23/8/2011 15:55 - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40675

You deserved it

4966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 12:01 - United States

Today, my dog managed to get into our cabinet and eat an entire bag of hershey kisses. Now she is puking all over the house and outside too. When I called the vet to tell her about it, she said that it was normal, and to call her back when it was "coming out the other end." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23350

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By Lost5dollars - 8/8/2017 14:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4028

You deserved it

1051

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10191

You deserved it

945

Tweet

Share

By LolaBell - 24/4/2015 14:12 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35508

You deserved it

2206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 02:12

Grand Old Irony

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

670

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAF - 12/8/2018 08:30 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2870

You deserved it

246

Tweet

Share

By lily_marleen - 24/10/2016 12:58 - United States

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10024

You deserved it

680

Tweet

Share

By notyoueallie - 20/8/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26370

You deserved it

3800

Tweet

Share

By NotAParabola - 7/10/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19212

You deserved it

39068

Tweet

Share

By RavingLunatic - 1/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21203

You deserved it

24635

Tweet

Share

By Justcan'twin - 9/10/2017 16:45

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2445

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 21:57 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24639

You deserved it

3172

Tweet

Share

By Martine624 - 7/5/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30961

You deserved it

3446

Tweet

Share

By Idiocracy - 24/4/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

I agree, your life sucks

63310

You deserved it

3388

Tweet

Share

By Bree - 22/10/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I've been cutting class. I've been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40252

You deserved it

3144

Tweet

Share

By Zuzubat - 5/9/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40076

You deserved it

2552

Tweet

Share

By disembob - 3/12/2012 02:26 - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25246

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By bunnylover - 15/3/2010 16:44 - Canada

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26980

You deserved it

3476

Tweet

Share

By Sadman - 23/4/2011 08:37 - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43032

You deserved it

10762

Tweet

Share

By Festivaler - 13/7/2013 07:14 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53064

You deserved it

4412

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 03:41 - United States

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31030

You deserved it

3470

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 22:22 - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32229

You deserved it

3306

Tweet

Share

By duped - 29/10/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16160

You deserved it

48442

Tweet

Share

By Carpet cleaner - 21/2/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29924

You deserved it

2647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/3/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41940

You deserved it

5862

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 00:01

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1796

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By IgniteMe28 | 0

#497084 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

all aboard the failboat...

By ryki_bloom | 0

#497088 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:04

Yuck! Seriously! But - I think that you should have noticed. Plastic bags feel different than poop. YDI for being an idiot.

Comments

By IgniteMe28 | 0

#497084 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

all aboard the failboat...

Reply

tpag3r | 0

#497212 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:53

thats a stinky situation

Reply

Lolbrittany | 0

#497242 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:07

did you taste it :U

Reply

lexilovesyou | 0

#497267 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:23

Ewwy;
Fyl!

Reply

Imawhalerider | 0

#497312 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:50

Well now you know that its not that bad to pick up real poop.

Reply

tpag3r | 0

#497608 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:18

awhh i was waiting for someone to pick up the cute is what we aim for reference but once again you people fail me

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#497637 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:36

Probably because Cute is what we aim for is a shitty teeny bopper band that fails all by itself.

Reply

TurdMonkey | 0

#497664 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:46

waterynuggets, you speak words of wisdom

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#497843 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:48

Hmm...well some people have a "thing" for crap, maybe you should try that road and see how that works

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1035432 - Friday 18 June 2010 23:22

let's leave it at this. it's a D U M B A S S move. emphasis on the DUMBASS

By OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#497085 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

Gross. FYL

Reply

live_and_learn | 0

#497295 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:37

that is why soap was invented. you'll be alright.

By fkjiwefakris | 0

#497087 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

Ewww

By ryki_bloom | 0

#497088 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:04

Yuck! Seriously! But - I think that you should have noticed. Plastic bags feel different than poop. YDI for being an idiot.

Reply

ms_nobody | 0

#497273 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:26

I agree with you...plastic and poo feel very different! if this is nt made up then this guy is a real dumb.

Reply

soherewegoagain | 0

#497315 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:52

Yeah plastic and poo do feel different, but to know what they feel like you have to have it on your hand..so until she actually got shit on her hand she wouldn't know ...did you even think before you commented?

Reply

ryki_bloom | 0

#497320 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:54

Yeah, but she had the bag in her hand before she "attempted" to pick it up. She would of noticed a difference quite quickly.

Reply

soherewegoagain | 0

#497347 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 23:05

yeah but it wouldn't matter cause she would still have shit on her hand..you said poo and plastic feel different well how would she know its poo unless she actually touches it? and then it will be too late :)

Reply

twist_n_shout | 0

#499865 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 22:21

Ok well plastic bags feel different than air. I'm surprised she didn't feel her hand rip through the plastic before she came in contat with poop.

By oliviax3 | 0

#497094 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:06

Thats disscusting
FYL.

Reply

cosmiccharlie | 0

#498098 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:54

spelling disgusting like that is what is really disgusting.

Reply

ILIKETOTROLL | 0

#3281009 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 4:39

stop talking like a nerd or you're gonna get beat up. ^

By ukiekid619 | 0

#497097 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:06

hahahaahaha enjoy your brownie

By shadow_skater_fml | 0

#497101 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:08

ew gross

By Forever2204 | 0

#497104 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:08

ewwww
FYL

By mcdougri | 0

#497111 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:12

I think that was my poop.. :O

By E3Q | 0

#497115 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:13

Ugh! Sucks for you that was nasty.ewwwwewwwwewwwwewwww Yuck