Animals: Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed... - FML

By itzcorinnelove - United States

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

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Serious times

No pain, no meds

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By headache - United States - Mesa

A good shower

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

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By Username

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

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By camzzz - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

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By Matthew - 9/3/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Not so Karate Kid

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

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By ldrik1 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

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By lizann - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

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By Violet - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

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By astocks - United States

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

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By jake - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

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By icantdrive - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

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By suzyyy - Netherlands

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

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By haggisbowl - United States

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

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By Shodan2112 - United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

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By CRC - United States

Damned freshmen

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

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By youlovewaffles

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

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By heart broken - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

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By emergencyroom - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

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By Grounded - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

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By why?! - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

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By Anonymous

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 12:02 - Canada - Ottawa

It wasn't me

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

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By poolfail

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

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By evilplatypus - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

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By in love with an idiot - Angola - Luanda

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Man child, part 2

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

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By reallythough - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By Mike - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

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By MyLifeSucks - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

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By p!$$3D0FF - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

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By prettysmellingbedroom - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

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By no_service - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

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Top comments

By IgniteMe28 | 0

#497084 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

all aboard the failboat...

By ryki_bloom | 0

#497088 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:04

Yuck! Seriously! But - I think that you should have noticed. Plastic bags feel different than poop. YDI for being an idiot.

COMMENTS

By IgniteMe28 | 0

#497084 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

all aboard the failboat...

Reply

tpag3r | 0

#497212 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:53

thats a stinky situation

Reply

Lolbrittany | 0

#497242 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:07

did you taste it :U

Reply

lexilovesyou | 0

#497267 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:23

Ewwy;
Fyl!

Reply

Imawhalerider | 0

#497312 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:50

Well now you know that its not that bad to pick up real poop.

Reply

tpag3r | 0

#497608 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:18

awhh i was waiting for someone to pick up the cute is what we aim for reference but once again you people fail me

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#497637 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:36

Probably because Cute is what we aim for is a shitty teeny bopper band that fails all by itself.

Reply

TurdMonkey | 0

#497664 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:46

waterynuggets, you speak words of wisdom

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#497843 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:48

Hmm...well some people have a "thing" for crap, maybe you should try that road and see how that works

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1035432 - Friday 18 June 2010 23:22

let's leave it at this. it's a D U M B A S S move. emphasis on the DUMBASS

By OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#497085 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

Gross. FYL

Reply

live_and_learn | 0

#497295 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:37

that is why soap was invented. you'll be alright.

By fkjiwefakris | 0

#497087 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:03

Ewww

By ryki_bloom | 0

#497088 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:04

Yuck! Seriously! But - I think that you should have noticed. Plastic bags feel different than poop. YDI for being an idiot.

Reply

ms_nobody | 0

#497273 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:26

I agree with you...plastic and poo feel very different! if this is nt made up then this guy is a real dumb.

Reply

soherewegoagain | 0

#497315 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:52

Yeah plastic and poo do feel different, but to know what they feel like you have to have it on your hand..so until she actually got shit on her hand she wouldn't know ...did you even think before you commented?

Reply

ryki_bloom | 0

#497320 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 22:54

Yeah, but she had the bag in her hand before she "attempted" to pick it up. She would of noticed a difference quite quickly.

Reply

soherewegoagain | 0

#497347 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 23:05

yeah but it wouldn't matter cause she would still have shit on her hand..you said poo and plastic feel different well how would she know its poo unless she actually touches it? and then it will be too late :)

Reply

twist_n_shout | 0

#499865 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 22:21

Ok well plastic bags feel different than air. I'm surprised she didn't feel her hand rip through the plastic before she came in contat with poop.

By oliviax3 | 0

#497094 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:06

Thats disscusting
FYL.

Reply

cosmiccharlie | 0

#498098 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:54

spelling disgusting like that is what is really disgusting.

Reply

ILIKETOTROLL | 0

#3281009 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 4:39

stop talking like a nerd or you're gonna get beat up. ^

By ukiekid619 | 0

#497097 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:06

hahahaahaha enjoy your brownie

By shadow_skater_fml | 0

#497101 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:08

ew gross

By Forever2204 | 0

#497104 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:08

ewwww
FYL

By mcdougri | 0

#497111 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:12

I think that was my poop.. :O

By E3Q | 0

#497115 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 21:13

Ugh! Sucks for you that was nasty.ewwwwewwwwewwwwewwww Yuck